Drink and the Devil
by Woot69
Summary: Following the death of his wife, James heads to Megaton to await his meeting with the Overseer of Vault 101. His concerns about that meeting pale in comparison to his concerns about meeting up with an old flame... James/Colin slash.
1. Chapter 1

When James made the decision to leave Project Purity, there was only one place he thought of going: Megaton. At 18, he'd gone there to study medicine with Doc Church; it was there that he had his first sexual experience with a male, Colin Moriarity. And at the time he thought it was love. He knew better now, after meeting Catherine. Her sultry voice and sharp mind had rendered him powerless. Then it occurred to him that Colin had a sexy voice as well, one that he would be hearing again very soon.

It was early in the morning when Star Paladin Cross, James and the baby arrived at the front gates of Megaton. The Wasteland was almost beautiful at this time of the day; the wind softly whistled, the stars smiled down from the sky and it was harder to see the surrounding devastation. James thought he detected the faintest flutter of his pulse; since Catherine's death he had shut down emotionally, so this flutter intrigued him. No doubt it was respect for the gates that guarded Megaton, the gates that now lifted at Deputy Weld's command. Finally the way was cleared to his party, and they meandered forward into Megaton.

The town hadn't changed much since James had left it, just had more townsfolk. There was the bomb at the center, and Doc Church's clinic to his right. They would have to find a place to stay for the week, which meant risking an encounter with Colin. James hoped Colin was asleep, but he knew better. Colin hardly slept. They climbed the ramp to Moriarity's saloon, and James kept a strong facade despite his growing unease.

Their path wound around the undetonated bomb in the center of town. He was grateful the baby didn't cry much; James Junior was currently fast asleep in his arms. As Cross put her hand on the door to the saloon, he felt his pulse flutter again. He was tired, they all just needed some rest after such a harrowing trip. Crossing the wasteland was never easy, and with a baby it was a nightmare. James was supremely grateful for the paladin's assistance.

And then they were inside the saloon. James' eyes roamed the room but all he saw was a ghoul at the bar. He felt tension he didn't know he had ease as Cross talked to the bartender, who introduced himself as Gob, about renting a room. They spoke efficiently and in no time the group was on the way up to the rooms. Cross had the room right next to his, which he was surprisingly grateful for. Was he expecting trouble? He supposed that was just the tiredness talking. It wasn't too much longer before James joined his son in sleep.

He woke to the baby fussing; judging by the sunlight filtering through the cracks in the wall, it was mid afternoon. Cross had been carrying Junior's formula in her rucksack, he was about to go get it when the paladin knocked at the door to his room, announcing she had brought Junior's food. His gratitude for her tripled at that moment. Since they arrived at Megaton ahead of schedule, they had a week before James' appointment with the overseer of Vault 101. He knew Cross wouldn't abandon her mission until they both were safely in the vault so the two discussed what they would do with that free time while Junior fed. James and Cross got along very well, but he was concerned that spending an additional week attached at the hip would get old for her. He suggested she go explore the town while he stayed in the room with the baby; she countered that she would enjoy spending time with the baby, and he could have some adult only time. He felt another flutter then. Alone, in Megaton. Where Colin lived, where Colin ruled behind the scenes. Was he afraid of Colin? Absolutely not. Hadn't it just been youthful sexual experimentation? Sex and love weren't the same thing. Well, with Catherine it was. Absolutely NOT with Colin. So he agreed to some time away from his son and rummaged through his pack to find something to change into. Perhaps he'd take a shower - surely there was a shower in this place. Since there was no sense in changing before showering, he wandered out of his room with his clothing for the day in his hand. Cross shouted good bye from the door to her room, Junior safely in her arms. He smiled gratefully at her and descended the stairs to the main room. But not before pausing to survey the room from the top of the stairs. Still no Colin; James mused he was sleeping off a drug binge. An image of the two of them intimately engaged while on a Jet-induced high flashed through his mind, along with a fourth flutter. He squashed it down and focused on the matter at hand.

Gob informed him that there was in fact a communal shower available, free to those who rent a room. He also inquired about how many more days they would be staying. James paid for the week and headed in the direction Gob indicated the shower was. He noticed that his senses were heightened, as they were on his party's trek across the Wastelands. Surely nobody would harm him here; nobody but Colin, Doc Church and perhaps Lucas Simms would remember him. Gob apparently forgot all about James, and the thought that flashed through his mind was that Colin _made _him forget. James shook his head to clear his mind of the strange thoughts as he set his clothing on the stool next to the shower.

He disrobed and set the dirty clothes under the stool, stepped in and yanked the tattered curtain closed. As the lukewarm spray sluiced over him, he tried to clear his mind and just revel in the moment. Being clean had been an unattainable dream during the days they hurried across the Wasteland from Project Purity to Megaton. He hoped no one else needed the shower anytime soon, he planned to stay in here a while.

And right after he finished that thought, the curtain to the tiny room slid open to reveal Colin Moriarity. James jerked his head around to stare at the intruder and he blanched at the sight. Other than the gray in his hair and a beard, Colin looked very much the same as he did in his youth. Medium length hair (soft, so soft), pale green eyes (like a glass of radiation free water), alluring lips permanently affixed in a soft smirk. Colin slowly dragged his eyes over James' naked, wet body. James thought he saw the smirk disappear for just a second, the same second that he felt his cheeks begin to burn. Burn? What had happened between them was only experimental, there were no feelings involved! Catherine was his soul mate; the one who would possess his heart even in death. Perhaps it was discomfort over being so openly appraised by a man who was essentially a stranger now. His traitorous mind flashed images of whispered intimate post-coital conversations and he cut those short by focusing on his annoyance at being interrupted.

Before James could say anything, Colin spoke. "Well, well! If it isn't me old _friend _James. Gob told me you were here and I thought the useless ass were lyin' to me. Aren't you looking well?"

James distantly noticed the water hitting him; his primary focus was on Colin's eyes, which had moved back down to observe his crotch. He felt the urge to cover himself and dismissed it. After all, he had dignity and nothing to hide. Without taking his eyes off Colin's face, he shut off the water. The silence felt heavy, and Colin's gaze felt heavier. He had no idea what to say, so he stayed silent. The moment stretched on forever, and Colin's eyes moved back up to his. He was grateful for that, he was beginning to feel warm and... nervous.

"Is the woman you're with the mother of yer baby, James?"

James wanted so very badly to reach for the towel he had placed atop his clean clothes. But that would mean moving closer to _him_. His mouth was dry, he had no idea how to respond. It had just been a _fling_with Colin, there were no emotions involved. Say something, damn it!

"Colin. This couldn't have waited until I was done cleaning up?"

Colin chuffed and leaned against the door frame. "Well now, where's the fun in that? So, the behemoth with the impressive armor, who is she?"

"A friend. Would you be so kind as to hand me my towel?" He was imagining the growing heat. The saloon was stuffy due to the lack of windows. Maybe he needed more rest. Colin was just a man. The man who ran Megaton in the shadows, but still just a man. Colin regarded him a moment more before complying with James' request. James dried himself off as quickly as possible and wrapped the towel around his waist. He thought he saw something that looked like disappointment flash across Colin's face.

James didn't bother to disguise his frustration with the situation in his voice. "Thank you. Now, I know you well enough to know you want something. What is it?"

"Just some of yer time, James. My room is behind the bar. Sometime in the next week, I'd like to have a wee chat with you. Perhaps tonight, if the amazon hasn't already laid claim to yer evening." Colin gave one last appraisal of James' body, and left.

James dressed in a hurry in case Colin came back. When had he observed their arrival? Or had Gob filled him in on the details? Did he feel up to dealing with Colin so soon after a stressful trip? What could he possibly want? It had been many years but he saw telltale signs during the brief encounter that Colin was very serious about something, and it wasn't catching up on old times. A dark glint in his eye, the almost imperceptible loss of the smirk. And James doubted the timing of Colin's visit was an accident. He undoubtedly watched their arrival from the shadowy area at the back of the bar that led to his room and bided his time until he could catch James at his most vulnerable. So, going to see the man was a bad idea. But it was hard to avoid him when he and Colin were under the same roof for an entire week. James sighed and resolved himself to the fact that he would be visiting Colin this evening. Get it over with, like ripping off a band aid.

James went to run his plans past Cross, and she was delighted to have the extra time with the baby. He told her he wanted to reacquaint himself with the city that helped mold him into the doctor he was today. He felt a cold ball of dread in the pit of his stomach. Not a flutter, not chills, but flat out dread. He could handle himself, there was no reason for it. He shot what he hoped was a casual goodbye to his guardian and steeled himself for the upcoming discussion.

His thoughts turned darker as he slowly descended the stairs. What could Colin possibly want to discuss? Colin was the one who labeled what they did as a "casual fling, mere experimentation". He felt a long forgotten frisson of anger surface from deep within his mind. And he pushed it down, down with the rest of the feelings buried after the death of his wife. Nothing would happen tonight. Colin wanted to know why he was back after so many years, wanted to hear why he arrived with a baby in tow and no wife. He just wanted to gossip to alleviate the boredom of life in Megaton. Sheriff Simms and his deputies kept things stable within the rusted metal walls of the tiny town; even a self-styled Irish crime boss would get bored enough to gossip.

When James hit the bottom of the stairs, the door to the saloon opened to admit another customer. Before the door closed, James noted the sun was very low in the sky; evening was only moments away. When was the last time he had eaten? James ordered a squirrel on a stick from Gob and listened to the radio as he waited for his food to arrive. When it came, he made quick work of the squirrel chunks. Dealing with Colin really worked up an appetite, apparently. And then he was done eating, and had nothing else to prolong the inevitable with. He squared his shoulders, and checked with Gob that his boss was in the back room. He was? Oh _good_. James ran his hand through his hair, sighed, and made a beeline towards the door to Colin's quarters.

He hesitated a moment, then knocked. There was a rustling noise. A pregnant pause and then: "DAMN IT Gob! I don't give a shit about whatever it is that yer comin' to me about! GO AWAY!"

James looked over his shoulder at Gob. Gob winced and shrugged an apology. James turned back to the door and said "Colin. It's James."

After several awkward moments, the door cracked open a bit. Colin looked as if he was on a Psycho high, James thought. The door opened all the way and Colin beckoned him inside. Before he closed the door Colin shouted: "Gob! Ya interrupt me before opening time tomorrow and I'll be wearing yer guts fer garters, understood?" Gob nodded and the door closed. James felt trapped. _Trapped_? He sighed.

Colin crossed the tiny room to the bottle of whiskey he had open on a desk. He poured two fingers of whiskey into two waiting glasses and passed one glass to James. James took it and immediately drank it, as did Colin. He knew he shouldn't imbibe but they both seemed nervous, and alcohol would dull the tension. Their eyes locked across the small distance. James became aware of how close they were and the tension in the air. Colin refilled their glasses and the liquid disappeared as quickly as it had been poured. James cleared his throat in preparation of speech. And the words didn't come. He was spellbound by the older man's pale blue eyes. And those damn memories broke past his defenses and fought their way into his mind. This was a mistake, he shouldn't have come. Distantly he heard more whiskey poured into his glass. Against his better judgment, he drank it. He needed something to squash the rising tide of panic.

"Because I hold you in high regard, I'm going to cut the crap. But I'm not much good with words, hopefully I make sense. All those years ago, what I told you before you left, I made a mistake."

He blinked, then blinked twice more. "..._what_?"

"Come now, lad. Surely you remember what I said to ye when you told me you loved me."

James, he of the highly vaunted intelligence, had absolutely no idea what to say or how to react. He must have looked as if he were going to pass out, because Colin poured him another shot. He downed it as quickly as he could; still he had no response.

"James? Are you there?"

Oh dear, he was starting to feel the alcohol kick in. His tongue finally loosened, but his brain was still frozen. "Yes, yes... sorry. I'm just a little confused. You... you made a mistake? What do you mean?"

"I was young and stupid, with dreams of running the world. When you put words to what we had, I was _scared_, James. I wasn't good with feelings, and I was afraid you'd be a liability. When those in charge have people they care about, that means they have ways of being taken down. It took you leaving, and maybe a few years of maturin', to figure out that I was a complete ass."

And then the alcohol broke down his inhibitions, and that old anger flared up. His fists balled up and he began to shake. Oh, he remembered it all, all right. He gave Colin his heart and Colin wiped his ass with it.

"So you figure a quick apology and a few shots of alcohol... all will be forgiven and I'll hop back into your bed, is that it! DAMN IT, Colin! I just lost my WIFE! She loved me as you never could and bore me a CHILD and DIED doing so! I'm grieving for her, you pompous jerk! You think I can just ignore my feelings, my duty to my newborn child, all because you're SORRY?"

"James..."

"I'm only here because I'm going to Vault 101, because it's one of the only safe places for my SON in this godforsaken environment! I didn't come here because of you! Why would I! You USED me, Colin! You were my first true love and you threw me away, like I was a whore that you'd grown bored of! You devastated me that day! And you LAUGHED - do you remember laughing? I suppose you're going to blame that on nerves. Oh no! You were amused that you had the power to destroy a person's dreams! And you did, YOU DID! I didn't leave Megaton because my studies were complete, I left it because of YOU! I chose Rivet City because it was the only safe city that I could think of that was as far as possible from YOU! And if you had this great epiphany after I left, why didn't you try to find me? I sent word to Doc Church that I had relocated to Rivet City. You're this GREAT crime boss, you know everything about everyone! You couldn't figure that out? You heartless, soulless... ASS! Coming to Megaton was a big mistake, coming here was a HUGE mistake, and I am about to correct it!"

During his tirade, he advanced on Colin. By the end, he was close enough to smell the other man's breath. But this time, he didn't care how close he was. He didn't care about anything other than collecting his party, and leaving this place. There weren't many safe places this close to 101, maybe he could contact Doc Church and...

Colin grabbed his shoulders. And closed the gap, and slammed his lips upon James'.

James struggled, but he was no fighter. He was an intellectual, and in the time it took him to assess what had just happened, Colin locked his right hand behind James' head to prevent him from escaping. His struggles were useless, and his muscles were rapidly becoming uncoordinated from the whiskey. And his brain _must _be pickled - why else would his lips be responding to the kiss? Colin used his left arm to press James completely against him. The two silently kissed for what felt like an eternity until they had to part to gasp for breath.

"What I was tryin' t'say is that I LOVE ya, always have. You were the only one to have my heart. I don't deserve you an' I know it. I jes'... couldn't let ya disappear again until I told ya. I'm beggin' yer fergiveness, James!"

They stood in the center of his tiny room, still pressed against each other and shaking from the intensity of what they'd just shared. Ohhh, James was not sober. Neither was Colin from the sound of it. He hoped he wouldn't regret not leaving Colin's room at that moment, as he should.

Colin pulled James to him then, and once again they furiously kissed. And nothing else mattered to either of them at that moment; not Megaton, not the whole damn world. No dead wives or crime empires or desperate missions or regretted actions. James began to feel _very _warm then, he summoned the last of his strength to begin unbuttoning his shirt. Colin realized what he was doing and stepped back to appraise James' chest as it was revealed to him once again, bit by bit. And when the buttons were undone, Colin was the one to step forward and push the shirt gently but firmly off his shoulders, back and down until it was wadded on the floor. He placed his hands on James' arms and slowly guided him backwards to the bed. The back of James' knees hit the bed and he sat down, and Colin squatted down before him. They looked at each other, and somewhere in his hazy mind he realized that Colin hadn't been smirking since he entered the Irishman's room.

Colin began unbuttoning his own shirt then, and it joined its mate on the floor of the tiny room. He sat on the bed next to James, leaned over and nipped at the place where James' neck met his shoulder. He shivered as Colin did that; his body remembered the pleasure of bygone days. The last tiny rational part of his brain tried to protest _what are you doing? _but James was tired of being consumed with grief and worry and anger. He wanted to be undone by Colin.

And that want is what drove his hands to remove the remainder of his clothing. Colin's had vanished as well; their vestments decorated every possible surface of the room they occupied. They were laying on Colin's dingy bed now, Colin atop James, kissing for all they were worth. Colin's free hand shot out to the nearby nightstand, opened a drawer and groped around inside. He found what he was looking for and pulled away from James just long enough to open the container and pour the liquid onto his fingers. James felt no tension, no fear, no anger, just Colin's fingers entering him, pushing inside, finding that bundle of nerves that propelled him towards ecstasy. And then it wasn't Colin's fingers in him but Colin himself, and all rationality went away and they danced together on the tiny bed. Colin murmured in his ear; _my love, my own_. His nerves sang, he floated on a river of pleasure and then he knew nothing else but heat and light and he sang his gratification and he dimly heard Colin's song in return.

He woke to a pounding headache and a snoring Irishman draped across his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

James woke to a pounding headache and a snoring Irishman draped across his chest. When was the last time he got drunk? It had been long enough to make him a complete lightweight, at any rate. His mouth tasted just awful, and the doctor voice in his head helpfully described the damage he probably did to his liver. Not to mention sexually transmitted diseases. Though he vaguely recalled Colin saying something about love and devotion or whatever... oh Lord, his _head_... Colin had always had a very healthy sex drive and James couldn't see him going celibate for all the years James had been gone. He began to feel the faintest stirrings of disappointment in himself for his poor choices the night before. Why had his resolve broken down so fast? It couldn't have just been the alcohol; alcohol merely lowered inhibitions, it didn't force people to do things they didn't already want to do. Which meant... which meant he was a lonely man, driven mad by grief for the loss of his one _true _love. He was a human, he craved intimate contact, the alcohol dulled his judgment. Now he had to deal with the consequences. And those consequences were currently drooling on his chest.

Despite the dressing down his rational mind was giving him, he found himself reluctant to leave Colin's embrace. It felt good, and he realized he sorely missed waking up in the arms of another person. He sighed, and contemplated what his next move would be. He wanted to check on Cross and his son, he knew that much. But should he wait until Colin woke up? His honor urged him to do so but his memories of their past drinking binges made him realize that was a bad idea. No doubt Colin would be out until late afternoon. How the man had managed to live this long with the amount of abuse he subjected his body to was a mystery to James.

He began extracting himself from Colin's grasp. After a good amount of maneuvering, James finally was able to leave the bed to go in search of his clothing. As he dressed, he watched Colin sleep. He was snuggled down into the bedding, with an almost content expression. James pulled on the last of his outfit and looked back one last time at Colin before stepping out of the door. And collided with a young woman with short, messy reddish hair.

"Oh hey hon, sorry about that. Is Colin decent?"

"Decent? He's... Well he's..." James felt himself flush, and his head began to pound even harder than when he first woke up.

Nova had a thoughtful look on her face. "Pardon my manners, forgot to introduce myself. Name's Nova, I'm one of Colin's whores. And you are...?"

James was convinced his brain would liquefy from the combination of excessive heat and the residual effects of the whiskey. "My uh, the name's James. I... well I... I'm visiting with my son and..."

Nova smiled an enigmatic smile and rested her hand on James' shoulder. "... and you're busy, and I'm rude to have bothered you James. It was lovely to have met you, maybe we'll get the chance to talk more later on?"

James flashed a nervous smile at Nova and nodded. He wanted nothing more to guzzle a thousand bottles of rad-free water, play with his son and take a very long nap afterward. Nova stepped aside to let him pass and he walked past her and Gob (does that ghoul _ever _sleep?) and almost ran up the stairs to Paladin Cross' room. He hated the idea of presenting himself to the paladin in such a state, but he desperately needed to see her and his son. Hygiene could wait.

When Cross opened the door, her only reaction to his less than ideal appearance was to raise an eyebrow. She gestured for him to enter the room, he followed her in and shut the door behind him. James ran through all the possible things he could say to his friend, but the pounding in his head made it difficult to choose one of the options. Cross smirked at James; why did he get the feeling that he was an open book to every woman he encountered?

"So James, it looks like you enjoyed your day off. Junior was his usual well behaved, adorable self. It breaks my heart that I won't be able to see him once you two move into 101."

"You flatter us, Cross. Thank you again for taking care of him. I cannot possibly express how grateful I am to you for all your help."

The paladin smiled at his words and handed his son over to him. James hugged the baby tight and peppered his son's small head with kisses. When he was with his son, all was right with the world.

Junior was very happy to see him. He let loose a loud squeal at the sight of his father. And as much as James loved his son, the squeal made him feel as if his brain was bleeding. Paladin Cross took note of James' wincing and gently removed the baby from his father's arms. James rubbed his face with his hands, and shot an apologetic look at his friend.

"I'm so sorry... it's been a long night... would you mind watching him for a few hours while I take a nap?"

"I was actually going to request the honor of caring for him until your meeting with the overseer. Who knows when or _if _I'll be able to spend quality time with little James again..." She looked sadly at the little one in her arms.

"You're sure you don't mind?"

Paladin Cross laughed. "James! He's a little angel. Caring for him makes me happy. You are doing _ME _a favor by letting me care for him for the rest of our time here!"

James nodded gratefully at his friend and moved towards the door. "You'll send for me if you need a break?"

"Indeed I will, James. Off with you! I'll see you in six days!"

James left her room, and went to his own. More than a shower, he needed rest. And water. He rummaged through his pack until he found the bottles of water and drank one of them. He then collapsed on the bed and was lost to the world.

Hours later, he woke. He had no idea what time it was. He wanted to shower but if Colin were to make another appearance, he wasn't sure what would happen so he straightened his bedding and left to find a meal. The saloon was crowded, he was surprised to note. His eyes scanned the crowd for Colin; he didn't expect to see the Irishman but was surprised to find him hunched over a glass of whiskey at the bar. James ignored his skittish nerves and descended the stairs. He placed an order of Cram cakes with Gob, then cast a side glance at Colin, who was still cradling his glass of whiskey. Colin always said he would drink anything, but the only thing he ever drank was whiskey. Hell with it, he said to himself; there was no avoiding Colin Moriarity.

Colin sensed his approach and acknowledged it by shaking the contents of his glass at the approaching man. He raised his head up off his arms and said to James "... hair of the dog what bit me." He took another swallow of the amber liquid and set the glass back down on the counter. James watched Gob prepare the Cram cakes to try to calm the fluttering.

"How are you feeling? Maybe you should be drinking water instead of whiskey?"

He regarded James for a moment, and took a deep breath. "I'll be needing a smoke James, care to join me outside?"

James nodded, his food forgotten. He watched the elder man leave the saloon and followed close behind. James took his place at Colin's side, nerves fluttering. He stared out over the rusted ruin of Megaton while Colin exhaled his first lungful of smoke.

"So, James. What are yer thoughts on what happened last night?"

Leave it to Colin to cut through the bullshit. He looked away from Colin while he gathered his thoughts. What _did _he feel? As much as he hated to admit it, he liked what had transpired between them. It was just like old times, only better. Better because of experience gained through age, better because (_I LOVE ya, always have. I've only loved YOU._)... well, because. He had no idea what to say. After a deep breath, he made himself look into Colin's eyes. Those beautiful, soft eyes that seemed to him to be the color of heaven. What was his answer going to be?

"Colin, I... it felt good. Heaven help me, it felt _wonderful_. And as much as I hate to admit it, I wish I could experience it without the dubious benefit of alcohol." He blinked in astonishment at the raw honesty of his words.

Colin smirked at him, then took another drag of his cigarette. "Well now James, that can be arranged. I wasn't sure how amenable you were to the idea. Has the amazon appropriated your time, or might I request another meeting with you?"

James smiled. "Paladin Cross has requested that I allow her quality time with my son until such time as... well, until six days from now. I'm a free man until then."

Colin took one last drag off his cigarette, then tossed it in the general direction of the undetonated bomb. "Would you visit me in my room again? I'd suggest a walk around Megaton, but that smug bastard Simms usually patrols early evenings and I'd rather not encounter him."

James took a deep breath and pondered the bomb that gave the city its name. He knew what the answer to Colin's question was, just as Colin undoubtedly did. "I'll meet you in your room. What time?"

"I can free my schedule for you James. Consider yerself lucky! How about an hour from now?"

James nodded. Enough time had passed that it was close to dinnertime. He remembered his Cram cakes and turned to reenter Colin's domain. Gob cocked his ruined eyebrow at James, much the same way as Cross did, and Nova before her. Apparently he was transparent to both genders. Great. He accepted the now room temperature Cram cakes from Gob and ate them. As he chewed, he pondered what he would do during the rest of his time in Megaton. There wasn't much to do besides visit with Doc Church and possibly Sheriff Simms. His thoughts turned to Colin then, and he wondered how much time he should spend with the man. A tiny voice in the back of his mind urged him to spend as much time as possible but he knew that would be a bad idea. He couldn't get reattached to his former flame; sex was one thing, but allowing the full force of his old feelings to return was out of the question. He and his son were moving into Vault 101 and he had a feeling that soon the vault's rare contact with the outside world would be cut off. It was a vibe the vault's overseer gave off in the letters they sent to each other. He knew the only reason they had a chance in hell of becoming part of 101's community was because they were desperate for a doctor and he had a well known reputation for being both an excellent doctor and researcher. He sighed and pushed away from the bar. He had a very bad feeling that, despite his best efforts, he would wind up falling for Colin again. And that would only end in more pain. He knew he was a strong man, but the grief of losing two loves (_one love and a former love_, he corrected himself) in less than a year might be enough to turn him hollow and numb. He wanted to be fully present in every moment, to really be there for his growing boy.

He went upstairs and was surprised to find himself sorting through his clothing to find an outfit he recalled Catherine favoring on him. She had always had an amazing sense of style; thanks to her, he was quite possibly the most fashionable medical researcher in the Wastelands. He slipped into the form fitting black shirt and matching pants and turned to regard himself in the mirror. Catherine always used to tell him he was aging well despite the stresses of long hours of research at Project Purity. He smiled sadly at the thought that those days were behind him, and decided to go to Colin's room a little early. There was no sense in putting this discussion (among other things) off any longer.

When Colin opened the door, he looked much better than the last time. His eyes were clear, his energy high. James felt as if someone were watching him; a quick look tossed over his shoulder told him it was Nova watching them from her post by the bar, and not Cross. He flushed a bit as he slipped into Colin's room and went to sit in a nearby chair while Colin shouted his warning not to be disturbed at his employees. Then Colin was dragging the other chair in the room directly in front of his chair, and he sat in it and held James' gaze.

"I imagine you want to revisit the original issue that brought you down here yesterday evenin'?"

James nodded, and ignored his mouth going dry. He was fine, alcohol would not be causing any problems this time, he was in control.

"I've only had that one glass o' whiskey, James. This is about as sober as I get. I brought you down here to tell you that I was a complete ass saying those things to ya. Over the years I found myself thinking 'If I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now, what would I have said that night?'"

James went completely still, and locked eyes with Colin as if his life depended on it. Which it absolutely did NOT. He was just being a compassionate listener, a very important skill for a doctor to have.

"When you told me you had fallen in love with me, I got so scared. You pulled the deepest thoughts right out of me mind and I just panicked. But if I could redo that moment with the mind I have now?"

Colin broke eye contact with James and stared off at one of the metal walls of his room. His face grew somber, the smirk fell and it felt as if it would never return. But James knew better.

"I would have told you that I felt the same way. You made me feel whole, you were the only person I felt comfortable sharing everything with. Having a partner is a liability in my line of work James. Your beautiful gray eyes, your devotion and patience, your succulent body? That would have made me cast aside all doubt and cement a future with you. Could you imagine if I had told you I could picture no other partner for meself but you?"

He didn't answer, just concentrated on his hands. No regrets; only getting the most important person in his life to vault 101 mattered now. His son needed the safety that vault could provide, and that was all that mattered.

"I was drunk last night but I'm not drunk now. I was an ass all those years ago. I loved you then, and it has always haunted me, it has never gone away. I know yer plans to go to 101..."

James' eyes cut sharply over to Colin. He'd made no mention of his plans to anyone in Megaton. How could he possibly know?

Colin regarded James with a knowing look. "You know my line of work. As soon as word came that you were in town, I sent me spies out to gather any information. You hold your cards close to yer chest, but I happen to know 101 is the only thing in this particular section of hell that would interest a man like you."

Ah yes. Colin had always had ears in the field, even back when he was a youth. He smiled faintly; he didn't like what Colin did, but his feelings for the man always did override his better judgment. But he had no feelings now besides desire. Absolutely not. Colin was not enough to pull him out of his depression over his wife, nowhere near enough to make him want the man as a partner again.

Colin leaned forward and placed his hands on James'. They gazed softly at each other for a moment. Colin was undoubtedly wrestling with regret, and James couldn't lie to himself any longer... he felt regret as well. He never was good at lying to himself.

"James. I know you probably are still sore with me but, I hope you can forgive me my youthful stupidity. You don't have to return my feelings, lad. I just feel a lot less of an ass by telling you the truth."

He didn't know what came over him then, his hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they framed Colin's charming face. They stared at each other for a brief, heavy moment before James found his voice.

"Colin... I never stopped loving you."

Oh, hell. He couldn't even blame it on whiskey at this point, he hadn't had any since the previous night. The words seemed to have a mind of their own, tearing out of his mouth against his will. That was when he allowed himself to come to terms with the fact that Colin was his first love. How had he managed to bury those feelings until now? He couldn't have these feelings while he was grieving the loss of his Catherine, could he? He got an odd notion that Catherine was the one putting these ideas and impulses in his mind and shivered at the thought.

And shivered some more as Colin's mouth captured his, devouring his concerns. Even though he was sober, he was drunk on Colin, and any resolve to stay angry over past grievances melted away. His clothes also melted away, and he helped Colin remove his own clothing as they stumbled toward the bed. This time, he knew what was happening. He felt every nip at his throat, every grasp at his groin. He felt the fingers in his ass massaging him, making the entry of Colin's cock more pleasurable. His anus complained a bit at the entry of something so massive but the complaints were drowned out by Colin's cries of joy and the deep moans torn from him as Colin's cock rubbed against his prostate. The heat built, all consuming, and then his world exploded into something so intense it dwarfed anything he ever had with Catherine. A small, distant part of him wanted to feel guilt but it was overwhelmed by the flood of emotions; his tears were lapped up by Colin's tongue.

They drifted down from their orgasms together, sticky and sore and happy as hell. Sleep claimed them in no time.

A few hours later, James woke and stretched. It took him a few moments to notice he didn't have a Colin blanket this time. He'd apparently risen before him and put on a pair of loose sleep pants. He had also turned off the light bulb, lighting a candle in its place. Colin sat on the edge of the bed, watching the shadows flickering across James' face.

"... how long have you been watching me?"

He shrugged and gave a soft smile. They continued watching each other, though this moment was far less awkward than previous times. James broke the gaze only to prop the pillow up behind him and rest back into a sitting position.

"We still have so much to discuss, you know." Colin nodded, that soft smile still in place. The man's unusual silence was beginning to make him nervous. James waited for him to say something, noticing in the back of his mind that his palms were beginning to get clammy.

Finally he spoke. "So yer goin' to 101 to live there, aren't ya?"


	3. Chapter 3

"So yer goin' to 101 to live there, aren't ya?"

James sighed. He should have known his old flame would have had everything figured out before his group even hit the front door to his saloon. He took a moment to gather his thoughts before answering.

"Yes, and you're probably wondering why. To properly answer that, I need to go back to the night I left. After you rejected me, I had to get away from Megaton as quickly as possible. I couldn't think straight through all the anger and pain. During my time with Doc Church, he had mentioned Rivet City as a place where great scientific minds gathered. He even suggested I might go there to further my studies and broaden my interests beyond just patching people up. And the idea was a solid one, but..." James looked down at his hands. "...I was already in love with you. In a way, you helped me by breaking my heart. I met Doctor Pinkerton, who is an absolute genius! He honed my research skills and essentially put the idea for Project Purity in my head."

Colin continued watching him, that odd smile never leaving his face. James nervously wiped his hands on his lap and continued his story.

"The idea tore through my mind like wildfire. I began to share it with the others in the science lab and eventually there was enough genuine interest to make the idea a reality. To our surprise, scientists from other areas came to Rivet City once word reached them of the project. When our trigger happy associates from the City had finally cleared the Jefferson Memorial of mutants, we began to set up equipment. That was when one of our best researchers arrived. Her name was Catherine." James smiled to himself at the memory. "She was totally amazing at analyzing radioisotopes and building thermoluminescent dosimeters and... ah, never mind. She and I spent many hours collaborating on possible methods to clean the water, researching the GECK; hell, we even began to sketch out what would happen once the water was purified. All that time together with her and our shared passion for the project... before I knew it the pain had faded."

Colin's smile finally faded; he regarded James with a indifferent look.

"It was after one of her more ingenious breakthroughs. We were so excited! We jumped around like children and embraced each other... and then she was kissing me, and... I realized my feelings for her mirrored how I had felt towards you. Nine months later James Junior was born."

Colin looked away from James; he scrutinized the wall in front of him.

"Only... something went wrong during the delivery. Li and I were in attendance - we were among the finest doctors in the Wastelands! But Catherine's heart, she had a defect of some sort... Li said something about infective endocarditis and..."

James buried his face in his hands. He would not cry, those feelings were buried. He sucked in a deep breath and forced himself to continue.

"I couldn't do it any more. My passion for the project was dead. Several months after her death, I went to see Owyn Lyons, one of our Brotherhood of Steel contacts. I told him that I needed to go somewhere else, anywhere else! So he volunteered one of his most trusted peers; the woman you refer to as 'The Amazon'. That wondrous woman was up and ready for a long journey less than an hour after I'd made my request for help. I took the baby and whatever items that mattered to me and followed her into the Wasteland."

He raised his head from his hands and met Colin's solemn look. He had to be imagining the glint of tears in the other man's eyes.

"It took us an eternity to make it here. This was the only place I could think of to come. It wasn't you that brought me here; I merely recalled that Megaton was a stone's throw from Vault 101, reputed to be one of the safest vaults in the land. The Overseer was reluctant about allowing deliveries from the outside and was very vocal about it. I sent my request to join their community through one of the traders that came to Rivet City. I didn't go to Mister Lyons until I had his response granting me an audience several months from that time."

Colin's lips pressed together and James dried his hands for the thousandth time that evening.

"When I came up with the idea to live in the Vault, and tell Junior he was born in 101... I hate lying, but it would keep my son _safe_! He's all I have left of my Catherine!"

And Colin suddenly silenced James' pain with his lips. He kissed the Irishman back for all he was worth, dulling the pain with the hard press of lips and groping hands. Then the sleep pants were gone and the pain was chased away as their naked bodies melded together once again. He felt suckling on the juncture between his neck and shoulder and cried out his pleasure. The heat grew unbearable but he didn't care because a hand was firmly wrapped around his cock, jerking rapidly... FUCK he wouldn't last long at this rate. Colin needed to be _inside _him. Filling him. Colin rode him savagely, fingers leaving bruises on his hips. There was little warning before he was completely undone, voice breaking as he screamed Colin's name. He dimly felt Colin's seed fill him and it felt marvelous. He looked up at his partner's face and felt proud as he noticed the telltale orgasmic flush. He recalled their old sex sessions and the giddiness he felt when he saw Colin break because of the pleasure.

"I need to think about all that you've told me, love. Let's sleep on it?"

James nodded and snuggled into his partner, easily drifting off to sleep.

When next he woke, Colin was gone. A rose and a plate of mirelurk cakes sat on the desk next to the bed. He blushed as he picked up the rose; he didn't recall Colin as one for sentimental gestures. The cakes disappeared in a flash; he was gathering up his clothing and putting it on as quickly as he'd eaten. He wasn't surprised to see bright light filtering into the main room, nor was he surprised to see Nova leaning against a nearby wall, smiling that damned knowing smile at him.

"Hey, hon, got a minute?"

"Oh... I'm sorry Nova, I'm not interested in your services. Good morning to you."

"No, no, it's not that... James, was it? I just wanted to thank you."

"Thank me? For what?"

"This morning, Colin gave Gob an extra hour for lunch and took less of his cut from my wages. He wouldn't say why, just shrugged and looked at the door to his room. Then, a couple hours later, you come out - you look delicious, by the way. And you're carrying a rose. He got up earlier than he usually does today to send Gob to Craterside Supply for a rose and damned if Moira didn't have one. How did you turn Colin into less of a miserable bastard?"

James was concerned for his cardiovascular health, the way his blood was always rushing to either his face or groin since returning to Megaton.

"Babe, you don't have to be so embarrassed; anything goes in the Wastelands! I'm just impressed that you were able to give the man a heart. Here I was thinking he didn't have one. And I'm curious about how you were able to do that. If you're ever interested in something a little different from him, my services are yours for the price of your story."

He suddenly felt a desperate urge to get out of the saloon and stay away for many, many hours.

"Miss Nova. Please forgive me if this sounds harsh but I do not now, nor will I ever, require your services. But I am grateful that I was able to... err, assist you. Please excuse me."

This time he really did run up the stairs to the room. He needed a shower but his need to leave the saloon was far greater. He swapped outfits in record time and managed to calm down enough to walk back down the stairs. He exited the building and squinted at the harsh morning light. Today was a good day to see his old mentor.

Down the ramp, past the bomb and before he knew it he was inside the clinic. It was just as small as he remembered. Then Doc Church appeared from one of the back rooms to the clinic.

"For Christ's sake, you don't look sick, so why are you bothering me?"

James was surprised to note that in the years he'd been away, the man's hair was already mostly white. When he'd left, his hair had only a few streaks of gray in it. Life in Megaton must be harder than it looks, he mused.

"Doc, it's James. The one who helped you patch up Sheriff Simms after that raider attack years ago? I studied with you for at least two years."

Church cocked his head; his frown lines decreased slightly as the light of recognition flashed through his eyes.

"Ah yes. How did your time in Rivet City go? You left so suddenly. But it was for the best, I'd taught you everything I knew anyway."

"That is a long story, Doc. How about we go to the Brass Lantern and catch up on old times over drinks and a meal? My treat."

Church's face twisted into something resembling a smile. "Now that's a damn fine idea. Let's get the hell out of here!"

Many hours, bowls of sugar bombs, and shots of vodka later, James slowly made his way back to his temporary residence. He hadn't had much liquor at all during his time away from Megaton; since his return he seemed hell bent on destroying his liver. But he didn't regret it this time. It was refreshing to spend time with a fellow doctor, discussing the minutiae of their trade. And as more vodka was knocked back, Doc Church became a confidant of sorts. James unloaded all his woes and concerns on the man. As gruff as he seemed, Church was an amazing listener and seemed to always know the right words to say. Including: "Let's get you tested for STDs" once James got to what had happened since arriving back at Megaton. No judgment - he didn't even seem surprised. Back at the clinic, as Doc was pulling blood for the battery of tests, he asked about that.

"James, I'm not a damn idiot. I knew what was going on between you and Colin back then. Hell, the whole town did, just about. His father was none too happy about it, I can tell you that."

James was grateful for the numbing effects of the vodka then. No blushing or stammering, just a calm acceptance as he watched Doc insert the vial of his blood into the testing machine. They probably should have waited until they were both sober to do this but by that time they both would have probably forgotten.

"You undoubtedly thought I didn't know about your little trysts behind the clinic on lunch breaks. And every time I treated Moriarity Senior, I had to put up with him bitching about his son and his nocturnal activities... the walls in that place are really thin, you know. But it was good for me when you got laid, you always were so full of energy and willing to work extra hours afterward!"

James shook his head to keep from fading into sleep. He watched Doc tapping at the keyboard, saw data scroll up the screen. His mentor was always so wise. Finally, Church finished his analysis and turned to James.

"You get a clean bill of health! You're damn lucky if you ask me. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree and Moriarity Senior had more diseases than a medical textbook."

James refocused his bleary eyes on his elder and mustered a smile. He really shouldn't have had that tenth shot of vodka.

"But... when you first came to this shit hole, kid... you were a shell. Not sure what happened to you in your childhood but it couldn't have been good. The day you first encountered the son of that old Irish bastard, you had more energy than I'd ever seen. I figured the little shit gave you some Jet or something but your drug screen came back clean. Then I gave you that first day off and I saw the two of you walking around town. Your posture was straight; you walked like a man with confidence. And you were chattering at me a mile a minute the next day. And from then on, you stopped being a shadow. I'm no fool; I know a man in love when I see him."

He couldn't feel his hands. Why could he not feel his hands? He tried valiantly to keep his attention on the man in front of him.

"Then one day you're in here all red eyed, begging forgiveness and asking directions to Rivet City. After you left, the jackass was strutting around town with his father like they owned the place. But he always had dark circles under his eyes and I swear he started losing weight. I figured he was dying of syphilis or something... the bastard never did seem to care about his health. Maybe he did have something in his chest besides evil after all."

His face was numb now. Really, he needed to stop imbibing alcohol. He mumbled something about gratitude to Doc, shook his hand and weaved his way out of the clinic. And so he came to the door of the saloon. After a moment of concentration, he determined which of the handles was the correct one to open the door. The place was packed; he saw three people sitting on every bar stool. One of the blurs in the back may have been Colin; he just didn't care. As he approached the stairs to the rooms, he felt strong hands on his shoulders, guiding him away and back towards the bar. Someone shoved a bottle of rad-free water in his hands and urged him into a room which was very familiar to him. The hands pushed him to a bed that smelled like sweat and whiskey. He sucked down the water greedily and those hands made him lie down. Everything was a blur. He sighed as he relaxed into the bedding, then into sleep.

When he came back to consciousness, it was to find a tired looking Irishman standing by the bed with another bottle of water and a couple of painkillers in his hand. He made quick work of the water and pills and laid back down, shielding his eyes with his arm. He wanted to tell the man to turn off the damn light but couldn't seem to muster the energy. Colin must have read his thoughts though, he crossed the room and flipped the switch. James closed his eyes and focused on the throbbing in his head and the silence in the room. Silence - why was Colin not mocking him? In the past, during the rare occasion that he out drank his partner, Colin wouldn't let him hear the end of it. The man's lilting voice always seemed to make it just that much more embarrassing. But now, nothing.

He cracked his eyes open just a bit to find the room empty again. He had no idea what time it was. Time seemed to blur together since coming here. Getting up and visiting Cross and his son seemed like a wonderful idea, but he couldn't bring himself to leave the bed. Instead, he slipped back into slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

Colin was terribly amused yesterday evening when James appeared in the saloon in an obvious state of inebriation. Reuniting with Church the jerk must have gone better than expected. While the idea of watching James try to navigate the stairs in his state would have been fun to watch, scraping up the results of a drunken fall would not have been. He set his whiskey down on the bar and moved to intercept the man.

"Whoa there, James! I think it'd be a fine idea if you were to avoid stairs until tomorrow. Why don't we go back to my room instead?"

Colin grabbed James' shoulders and the two made their way to the back room. En route, he snatched a bottle of purified water from behind the bar so the poor man could hydrate a bit. Colin sat the drunk down on the bed and made him have some of the water, then urged him to lie down. If he didn't know better, he'd say the man probably fell asleep before his head made contact with the mattress. He snorted at the idea that Saint James had achieved a righteous state of inebriation before he did. In all the years they'd known each other, he could count the number of times that happened on one hand.

Several hours later, when the rowdiest of patrons had left, he went to make sure the proud papa hadn't choked on vomit in his sleep. The idea of waking him early was undoubtedly a bad one, but he was dying to know what had happened. Sucking on his ear seemed much more creative than just shaking the man awake.

It was unexpected when he began struggling in the sheets and whimpering as if he was beaten. He wrapped his arms around the man in an instant.

"Shhh…yer alright, lad. Safe in the arms of the second hottest man currently in Megaton!"

The writhing subsided as James recognized his surroundings. He patiently waited for his love to regain control while firmly keeping his arms wrapped around the troubled man.

"It was you. I... I dreamed it was Catherine..."

Colin dropped a kiss on his head and waited for him to continue.

"Not long after we discovered her pregnancy, we took a day off from Purity to celebrate. We stayed in bed, talked about plans for our new family, and made love on and off throughout the day. It was a perfect day..."

He tensed a bit at that; it was surprising how vulnerable it made him feel to hear James talk about the one who had taken his place.

"She loved to wake me up by suckling on my neck and ear. We always made love; it was never just sex. Even that first time, it felt _right_."

He was torn between supporting James and fucking him to shut him up.

"She was safe... no matter how bad things got, she was my shelter. But she's gone now. Just like that... it took less than three minutes. Junior will never know his mother - oh God..."

At that, the dam finally broke. The weeping was probably loud enough for the entire town to hear - the town could rot in hell. He repositioned himself to face James and pulled his sobbing lover close to his chest. He was a child when his mother died, but somewhere in the recesses of his mind he remembered how she soothed him when he felt ill. Slowly Colin stroked his back, and murmured nonsense in a soothing tone against his forehead.

James clutched at his shirt and struggled to say something. It finally came out in a broken whisper. "I'm not strong enough… but I _have_ to be for my son!"

There was a knock at the door to their room; Nova asked if everything was okay. "Go find someone to fuck!" he shouted at her. She let loose an exasperated sigh, then her footsteps faded away. Now he was wondering how much more of this the man could take. Had James ever been this upset before? He couldn't recall.

An eternity later, the crying stopped. He continued his stroking and watched to see what would happen next.

"So tired… thank you, Colin."

Colin finally released the doctor when he heard soft snores coming from the man. After such an outburst, he'd be out for a good long while. He knew he should go check on his employees but was unwilling to leave the side of the only person he'd ever truly loved. Did he feel moisture on his own cheeks? Damnation, so he did! He smirked sadly at the thought that the only other time he was brought to tears was at the hands of the same man, though it had been many years ago. He contemplated James as he slept. His hair had the faintest hints of gray in it, probably due to grief over his recent loss. A hint of wrinkles showed themselves near the eyes and the corners of that perfect mouth. He didn't think it possible but these signs of age made his James even more desirable to him.

_His_ James? He snorted while slowly and carefully rising from the bed. He didn't deserve the man. The only reason his bed was occupied was because said occupant had lost his mate. A position he himself could have held for the last several years, though their union would not have given the man offspring. That baby was quite possibly the most beautiful creature he'd ever laid eyes on. Perhaps it was for the best that things fell out as they had. He'd think no more on it.

Colin left the room and strolled up to his finest whore. She might be a right pain in the ass but he still felt a fondness for the girl. The spark of curiosity over earlier happenings were present in her eyes, though the wench tried to hide it. He was feeling generous though. He'd feed the flame.

"The man's grieving the loss of the mother of his child," he said. Nova's face stayed in its usual sensual pout for a moment, before a flash of pain crossed her features. She inclined her head towards her boss and sighed. "That poor guy..." she sighed. Colin nodded and the two shared what felt like a companionable silence as they pondered the tragic tale of the man sleeping in the other room. Time stretched on; he eventually asked how business was going. Nova complained that her clients were getting cheaper with their tips; wasn't there something he could do about it? "I remember a time when you fucked more and complained less, darlin'. Ah but for the good old days!" Nova snorted but the companionable silence remained.

"How long do you think he'll be out?"

He pondered her words, but had no idea how to answer . "Do you think you'll be ok while I watch over him? I'm reluctant to leave his side, lest he wake up alone."

Nova regarded her boss with a warm look, one he'd never seen on that pretty face before. "Gob and I are tough, hon... you go on and take care of your friend. I'll get you if I need you." Colin nodded, his steps quickening as he headed back to his room. His beautiful angel still snored softly, so he pulled up a chair to admire the view.

His recollection of the day they met was as clear as the day itself. His father had been cranky all day; according to Pa, he'd been unable to do anything right. So he went out for a smoke and heard the familiar clank of the old gates opening. The gates weren't as fancy then; they groaned open instead of lifting apart. A tall, thin figure advanced into the town, carrying one small pack. His eyes strained to gather details about the newcomer; he was just a wee bit too far. The sun's light hit the outsider as he walked to the center of town. His chest suddenly felt tight. 'Twas a young man who looked to be about his age. He recalled how his fingers itched to touch that wavy brown hair and stroke his fair skin. The sudden need to be near the stranger was stronger than his need to take a shit after eating Gob's rat tacos.

His forgotten cigarette was flung aside as he hastened to Megaton's entrance. As he approached his prey, his steps slowed - no need to frighten him off.

When his eyes met those of Megaton's newest visitor, his breath left his body. Truly, he'd never seen eyes as alluring as these. Blues and grays blended together forming a color he imagined prewar skies to be. "Can I help ya, lad? What's yer name?"

"James... just James. I have no surname. Not anymore." came the soft reply. Colin felt his cock twitch. Such dulcet tones; he expected nothing less from such an Adonis. Carnal images danced at the back of his brain as he struggled to come up with a response. "Well, what be yer destination James?"

"Doctor Church's clinic. I'm to study with him."

Colin flashed his most charming grin and slung his arm through James'. "Right this way! Yer but a stone's throw from the doctor's realm. Glad to have ya in this miserable place; new blood is always refreshing."

He remembered James blushing deeply when their arms linked together. None could resist the Moriarity charm! Once James was inside the clinic - he'd decided not to go in, Church was none too fond of him - he slowly returned to the saloon. But not after staring at the door for a few minutes. He'd never had such a reaction to anyone, man or woman. James would be his, this he swore!

It took several weeks of pursuing his future prize, but finally his efforts paid off. One fine day, Pa had sent him on a blackmailing errand. When his eyes caught sight of James leaving the clinic, he decided the damn errand could wait. He hurried to catch up with him.

"So what are ya thinkin', James?"

James jerked out of his reverie and sighed. He looked so tired that day; Church must have been extra hard on him.

"You might find this odd…" James started. Of all the ways to start a sentence, that was one of Colin's favorites. This ought to be good. "…but I've never been drunk."

Once his shock wore off, a slow, feral grin spread across his face. The Lord were smilin' upon him this day! And he'd be sure to take full advantage of this gift presented to him on such a fine silver platter.

"My goodness. Sounds like you've had a rough day my friend. Helping to ease the burden of such a hard working student like yourself is the least I can do." He threw an arm around the shoulders of his walking wet dream and beamed at him. Really, this was too easy. "Here's an idea! We'll procure ourselves a bottle of whiskey from Pa's bar, retire to my room, and proceed to pop yer drunk cherry. What do you say?"

James said nothing, merely allowed himself to be led away to the Moriarity saloon. He almost felt sorry for the boy; when he set his sights on a person, they might as well drop their pants and wait for penetration.

They entered the bar; thankfully, his father was absent. He swiped a bottle of Pa's finest – a lovely piece of ass like this deserved nothing but the best! In record time they made it to his room, a tiny closet as far away from paying customers as possible. He slammed the door shut and wedged a chair underneath the knob. This was it! Play it cool.

And he became the consummate host, making sure James' shot glass was never empty. At first, his heart's desire had quietly accepted them and slowly sipped the contents down. Eventually, he graduated to downing them in one fast swallow. At some point, the two of them were pounding shots back like pros. He realized that he had to rein it in or he'd lose the upper hand in this scenario. There lay that which he'd hungered for. James was relaxed and totally trusting, his body sinking against his bed cushions. This was the time to make his move.

What would he do? Smooth and sophisticated? Quick and dirty? Fuck sophistication, the latter would do the trick.

Colin planted his arms on either side of his head and swooped down to possess those lips. The youth's delicate hands pushed against his chest, yet his lips shyly opened to allow Colin access. He made a confused noise into Colin's mouth and tried harder to push him away. Unfortunately for "James, just James", Colin was a wiry lad from years of scrapping with anything that wanted to fight. A diversionary technique would be a good idea right now.

James' panicked breathing turned into a muffled yelp as Colin's hand grabbed his cock through his pants. James' hands stilled and his entire body went rigid with confusion. Naivete was always so predictable. He took a chance and broke the lip lock to whisper hotly against those beautiful, trembling lips: "Relax, lovely. I can make you feel _very_ good if you'll allow it." Before waiting for a reply, he attacked his earlobe while slowly stroking the rapidly stiffening member. By the time he made it down to the juncture between James' neck and shoulder, the shy boy's pole was very eager for the proceedings to continue. Now to get his brain on board with his very impressive shaft. Entirely too easy!

In one swift movement, Colin straddled his hips and ground his cock against the one beneath him while unbuttoning James' shirt. The hands that had been trying to push him off now lay flat against the mattress and his panicked eyes had slowly begun to close. A dark flush colored his cheeks, and his lips were swollen and shining with saliva. While Colin wanted nothing more to admire his work of art, he wanted to be balls deep in the boy much more. Which led him to suckle his left nipple while unfastening the ties of his pants. His heart soared in victory when the nervous noises turned into tiny moans. These damned serious minded types really needed to learn to relax. And now for the magnum opus of the evening...

His mouth fastened on James' right nipple as his hips lifted to allow him to rapidly divest James of his pants. The cock he'd been craving for weeks sprang free and stood proud. Laser focus was almost lost once he finally saw it but a Moriarity always keeps his eyes on the prize! In this case, it was the warm pink slot he was rubbing his fingers over. The right nipple was released in favor of sucking down his ribcage and stomach. Colin's left hand groped in the bedside nightstand for the tube of lubrication he always kept there and the fingers of his other hand were merrily dancing through the precum he'd found at the tip of pre-doc's cock. Lubrication located, he swiftly opened it and used some to ease one of his fingers into the warm, eager hole he was fixated on. James' hands shot up to fist themselves in the sheets by his head, his tremulous moans growing louder by the moment. 'Twas a moment ago he acted like a frightened deer and now look at him! While his finger pumped in and out of the moist asshole, he admired his work. By this point, James was lost. His back arched and his head was thrown back into the pillow. That poor lower lip was worried between his teeth and his chest heaved in shallow jerks. Colin slid in a second finger and licked his lips at the noises the movement solicited. Soon, _soon_...

Patience was a quality he was sorely in need of. He reluctantly halted the worship of his slender conquest to yank off that damned clothing. Before James could come back to reality, he placed the head of his cock where his fingers once were. He dribbled a bit more of the oil onto his sword and shoved forward into that flower which he'd been dreaming of. James shrieked and slammed his teeth down on his lip. Colin lapped at the blood there as he lost himself in the glory of his lover's purse. He reached between them and pumped James' rod while he pistoned in and out of that heavenly tunnel. He needed this man to shatter before he did; there was nothing he desired more than watching his lover break. So he reined in the fire shooting through his veins and watched hawk-like for the signs that his triumph was complete. He didn't have to wait long.

James shouted something that sounded like his name as ropes of come shot out of him. Watching his prey surrender to the throes of passion drove him over the edge; he filled the lad's space with what felt like gallons of his juice. The heat and intensity lasted an eternity; when he finally drifted down, he was pleased to note the ruin that was formerly an uptight do-gooder beneath him. The lad was covered in love marks and sweat, and appeared to be completely boneless. He smirked; the visionary was at his mercy now. The Moriarity phallus ought to be classified as a drug in the same family as Jet and Psycho. This conquest deserved a victory smoke!

He regained his bearings and jumped off his spoils to dress himself for his smoke break. As he hunted for his cigarettes, he cast a glance towards the bed. His doctor was calmly staring at the ceiling, a mild contented smile about his mouth. Ah yes, he foresaw his fate indefinitely entwined with this slip of a boy.


	5. Chapter 5

A painful, memory-induced erection brought Colin back to the present. In those days, he'd always thought he'd been in control. Perhaps in the first few weeks he had been. But slowly and silently, the student had taken the reins. Never deliberately, for that wasn't James' style. He was hard pressed even now to determine what or how the shift in power had occurred. Speaking of hard...

He slid his hand down his pants and stroked little Colin while allowing his eyes to roam over the sleeping man. His thoughts went back to their first night together; he recalled thinking that it would be impossible for any future trysts to top that one. Ah, but he hadn't been giving himself enough credit then. During the time it took for his quarry to come to terms with the change in their status, he'd concocted an even more delicious plan. This one would be mind obliterating! Though it was a shame to ruin such a gifted mind, James' very succulence called for nothing short of sensual annihilation.

Two weeks after he'd initially graced James' ass with the presence of his cock, the perfect opportunity to showcase his sexual brilliance arose. He'd not seen latest partner about town in two days, not even for meal breaks. He wandered down to the clinic to determine what was going on during one of the rare moments Pa hadn't tasked him with anything. Though he hated dealing with Church, carrying out his latest objective was far too important. Oh, the obscene noises he would pull from James! If all went well, he fully expected to be beaten unconscious by Pa for disturbing the customers. While Pa's beatings were hellacious, some things were worth a few knocks.

So he went into the clinic as if he owned the place because essentially he _did _own the place. Church popped his head around the corner to see who had entered; the look that crossed his face was a blend of irritation and nausea.

"He's in the lab, working on a project. Unless you're dying, get the hell out!"

He smirked. The idiot actually thought he could come between the second most powerful man in Megaton and his objective.

"And it's grand to see you too, Doc! I'll just be having a quick word with James and then I'll be on my way." He pushed past Doc and ignored the sputtered protests. James was hunched over a beaker, carefully stirring the contents within. He had on a lab coat, goggles, and his serious face. The man was a special flavor of delicious while in this particular mode. Colin leaned against the counter next to him and waited to be acknowledged. When that didn't happen, he marveled at James' concentration. Let's see it last through this...

James yelped and dropped the stirrer with a loud tinkle when he felt Colin's hand firmly grab his left ass cheek. "_Colin_!"

"Ya know I don't like it when you disappear without so much as a by-your-leave, Jamie boy."

James pulled the goggles off his face with a sigh. "I'm working on something very important right now and can't be disturbed. Doc taught me how to create stimpacks by extracting certain chemicals from drugs like Jet and Psycho. I'm trying to see if there isn't a way to make stimpacks using common household chemicals like Abraxo. It's going to be a while, and I've no idea how long."

"You've been workin' on this project for days; it's not healthy to be in nerd mode for this long. Take a break, it won't kill ya!"

James eyed him suspiciously. "What do you have planned?"

He adopted his most innocent look; Pa once told him it looked as if he had gas. "Nothing at all! We could walk around town or go scavenge some scrap metal for Walter. I know ya love do-gooder crap like that."

"Whatever it is, it'll have to be brief. It's irresponsible for me to be away from work for too long."

"Yer precious project isn't going anywhere, and the clinic is never busy. Time's wastin' friend, let's go seize the day!"

James shucked out of his lab coat, folded it neatly and placed it next to his goggles. Colin turned to leave and heard the babe in the woods following close behind. When toying with James became old, he'd have to teach him to not be such an easy mark.

They stepped into the sunshine and took a moment to adjust to the brightness. "What now?" James asked.

"I was thinking about what you said the other day. How we'd known each other a few weeks and you knew little more about me than my name and where I lay my head. Why don't we go back to my room? I'll answer any questions ya might be havin'."

James tensed and a light flush crept across his cheeks. Colin felt triumphant. Two weeks later, and that night still visibly affected him. "Relax! No alcohol, and I think I can keep me hands off ya this time." James nodded at that and the two set off for the saloon.

It seemed as if all of Megaton had squeezed into the place today to avoid the heat. The two men made their way upstairs, and settled in to Colin's room. No chair under the doorknob this time, that was too obvious. Judging by the sounds coming from the rooms they had passed, any racket he and James made wouldn't stand out. He flopped down on his bed, and James sat primly in the chair by the desk. "So, what would you like to know?"

James responded immediately. "You never did answer my question after you... after we..." He blushed deeply this time. "... you know."

"I answered it! Just not to yer liking." He fought to keep his face impassive; irritating the man would make it harder to see his plans to fruition.

"Give me a direct answer this time. Why did you... have sex with me? Why me? Why then? _Why_?"

"Which brings me to a question of me own! Were you a virgin?"

"_Colin_."

He held up his hands. "Right, right. Let's see here... those aren't easy questions, you know."

"Stop avoiding!"

Sighing, he ran his hands through his brown hair. He'd undoubtedly start going gray before he turned twenty; Pa had said it was a family trait. He met James' eyes and saw the seriousness within. This meant a lot to him. He'd have to answer seriously in order to advance the plan.

"I lost my virginity at thirteen. Ma often told tales of how she'd birthed me in the wee hours of the morning. Early on the day I turned thirteen, I'd been sleeping off all the drinks Pa's asskissers had been buying me - classy bunch those lads were. So it were three or four in the morning and me light snaps on and there's Pa, dragging a hooker into my room. And he says "No son of mine is going ten minutes into his thirteenth year without a taste of Poon pie!" Then the bastard watched the proceedings like he were calculating his stock prices."

James leaned forward, gaze intense. Colin cleared his throat. "It were hard to take to the ladies at first. It's kinda hard to _get _hard when every hooker in the joint resembles yer Ma."

He shifted to sit on the edge of the bed, and dropped his eyes to his feet. Prince James would be unable to resist the combination of a story about his dear dead Ma accompanied by a hangdog face. "But I soldiered on. Poon has a interesting flavor to it; sometimes our chef makes meatloaf out of God knows what that reminds me of the taste. Eventually I got bored with just ladies and branched out to try a few of the lads who passed through on their way to better places. All of it 'twere pleasurable, but none of it was _special_."

His eyes rose briefly to punctuate the last word. He saw concern and curiosity in James' eyes now. Excellent.

"And I thought perhaps I took too strongly after Pa, maybe I'd be unable to find someone who would stand out enough to give me heart an' soul to. Sure Pa had Ma, but that were just for procreation purposes. The man has black sludge where his heart should be." Should he do the dramatic sigh now? Nah, too early. He nearly smiled when he heard James scoot his chair closer to the bed.

"But then an angel came to Megaton, and he said he were to study medicine with Church. And all the pain of years without a mother's love vanished. You're undoubtedly unaware of the effect you have on others, friend. People like you give the wasteland a little of its soul back. Your composure and caring heart; these things were exactly the balm I craved. I'd hoped merging with you would erase all the hurt and it _did_; I'm only sorry I were too much of a coward to woo you in the manner t'which you deserved."

James bit lightly on his lower lip; he only did this when he was in a state of inner turmoil. Colin wrung his hands together for emphasis on his next words. "Maybe someday you might find it in your heart to forgive me. Living under the thumb of a man such as Pa sometimes influences me to do things that are less than ideal." Cue the dramatic sigh. "I need to spend time around a better influence. Despite past sins, maybe I'll be lucky enough to win that better influence as my life partner. It's just so hard being this _lonely_."

He felt James' smaller, smoother hand rest lightly atop his own. Now he was at a crucial juncture. Carry out his sexual plans now, or delay them a bit longer to let his performance sink in? The smell of the other man was wearing down his resolve, something sanitary mixed with musky undertones. Eventually he decided delaying would be the better option. With an emotional hook and Colin's superb sexual skills, it would be a cake walk to break James down and rebuild him as his insatiable sex slave. He waited for James to make the next move.

"Oh _Colin_! To lose one's mother at such a young age. I'm so sorry! Of _course _I forgive you. It just... it was unexpected, and a little frightening. You see... you were right, I am a virgin. Rather, I _was_. There weren't many attractive girls in the town I grew up. But I'm not completely inexperienced; I made out with a couple of the ladies. They always wanted to go further though and I respected them too much to do that. What if I'd gotten them pregnant? It wasn't a wise idea to start a family before being financially and emotionally ready." Colin raised his eyes to meet James' and shifted his face to a look of caring interest.

"Thank you for yer kindness my friend." He leaned over and embraced James to hide the smirk that had been waiting to break free for a while now. A few moments later, James realized the time and hurried back to the lab.

Colin marveled at how easy it was to lay the foundation for his devious plans. He calculated in his head when he expected to hear from the medical boy scout again - four days, tops. Time was easy to bide when the prize was so succulent and predictable.

It was three days later when the expected knock came at his door. He'd known it was James because the sound was hesitant; that, and no one else bothered to knock. The day before he'd been reading a prewar book on tying knots and binding objects together efficiently with rope. Before opening the door he made sure the ropes wound around the head and foot boards were discreet. He allowed himself one last smirk - showtime.

"James! What a surprise! I'd have thought yer taskmaster wouldn't let you out of the cave so early in the day." He motioned for his visitor to enter the room, then casually slid the heavy wooden door stopper into the gap between the closed door and floor as James looked for a seat. The wedge wouldn't keep intruders out for long, but it would buy him some time to finish whatever he'd be doing to the boy scout. James wound up having to sit on the bed because wouldn't ya know it; the only chair in the room was piled high with clothing. And a couple toys he'd borrowed from one of the whores concealed underneath said clothing. Tsk, he really needed to clean his room more often.

"I got to thinking about it and you're right. All I do is study and sleep! The only relaxing I've done was during the times I've spent with you, which makes you the closest thing I have to a friend here. So, I told Doc I was taking the afternoon off to spend some time with a friend." Colin watched James beam a guileless smile up at him and for the briefest of seconds he felt a tiny flare of guilt. But the show must go on! Mostly because he felt an obligation to break this fragile angel and rebuild him into a stronger form. Colin had seen such potential in this boy, and it was locked away due to useless rules and leftover bullshit from a society long dead. If anyone had the ability to make a person more than the sum of their parts, it was Colin Moriarity.

"Well, I'm honored to have you as a visitor. Ah! Where are my manners? Would you like some something to drink? I've pretty much got a full bar in my room and what I don't have, Gob'll have downstairs." James looked worried; that wouldn't do. "You're here to relax, lad. Just one glass won't harm you!" And before he could say anything, Colin strode over to his liquor cabinet and began mixing a special cocktail for his visitor. Pa had recently acquired a new drug through his sources; the dealer had called it _Animal_. It was supposedly an aphrodisiac, and lowered inhibitions without the messy side effects of alcohol. Colin had his back turned to James, and carefully shook what the dealer said was a dose of the drug into James' glass. He had to remove eighteen years worth of stick wedged up the boy scout's ass, hopefully this would reduce the time it took a bit.

He presented the drink to the egghead with a flourish and proposed a toast soon afterward. "To our friendship! May things only get stronger from here!" They clinked glasses, and Colin took a moment to appreciate the way his angel sensually sipped the special delivery down. His eyes followed James' tongue as he finished the last of the drink and licked away the remaining drops from his lips. Beautiful. He downed his drink in two swallows and moved the glasses to the desk while he waited for James' drug to kick in.

Soon he saw the telltale signs: flushed skin, relaxed muscles. For the junior doctor, being relaxed was a rarity. Everything he did seemed calculated and meticulously planned out, the poor dear. He crouched next to James and watched his pupils dilate even further. It was time; he slowly reached out and slid his fingers underneath the hem of the chemical stained t-shirt the good doctor wore. There was no protest as he slowly slid it up and over his head; the man even helped him. "Sorry, I just realized it's very warm in here." James nodded and offered no resistance as Colin slowly pushed him into position on the bed. He carefully, lovingly moved his left arm towards the bindings and bound the wrist carefully to ensure comfort. Same with the right wrist, and both ankles. Oh dear, he'd forgotten to remove the man's lower garments. He popped out his pocket knife and reduced the pants and boxers to shreds. There before him lay the image of his deepest dreams. His angel naked and bound, waiting for guidance.

He moved to the chair and tossed aside the clothing, revealing a paddle, candles, a mask, a feather and a small bag of ice. Along with his knife, that spelled a good time for the rest of the day. He'd been studying up on the refractory period following an orgasm. Factoring in James' youth, inexperience, and the hours of (he hoped) uninterrupted stimulation, he expected he could bring his cherub to orgasm at least three dozen times over the next few hours. He smirked as he lit the candle, then slid the mask over James' eyes. Time to begin the rebirth.

"James, darling? How are you feeling?"

The captive licked his lips and frowned as he puzzled out a response. "Colin... you... drugged me?"

"Yes I did, only a little bit though. Have you any idea how beautiful you are? You're like a golden bird trapped in a cage of seriousness and shyness; the goal is to break you out. You are at my mercy; for the next few hours I am yer master. The only sounds to come out o' ya are sounds of bliss. I'll gag you if you say anything that displeases me. If you do anything along the same vein, you'll get the paddle. Your only task for the next several hours is to focus on pleasure."

James whimpered and lightly struggled against his bonds. Colin watched the dance of muscles, appreciating his lover's sinewy body. There lay a pale canvas waiting to be marked and claimed. He'd not keep the man waiting any longer.

He grabbed the feather and traced the outline of muscles, down the light path of hair that led to the promised land. Despite the haze of drugs and slight trepidation, James' cock still roused to attention. He dragged the feather across his prey's testicles and delighted in the flurry of struggles and mewling the sensation drew forth. Now that glorious cock stood firmly at attention; he'd honestly thought it would have taken a lot more effort to bring the lamb to such a state. He tossed aside the feather and reached for an ice cube. Those nipples weren't quite hard enough...

James hissed as the ice was applied to various parts of his body. Nipples, scrotum; Colin even slid it down the crack of his ass. "What... Colin?" was his only reply. Poor flustered dear. He threw the cube over his shoulder and reached for the candle. Fire and ice makes everything nice. He lifted the candle above the white flesh beneath him, then tilted his hand to let the melted wax cascade down. James' anguished cry made his own cock respond, but there was no time for that now. He continued to paint the body that writhed beneath him, using the intense sensations to drive his quarry to distraction.

Now, it was time to provoke behavior that would require the use of the paddle. He picked up his pocket knife, still open from earlier. Blood play was a dark obsession of his; eventually he wanted a taste of his lover's life essence. After using the ice to cool the blade, he held it to the artery pulsing just underneath his prize's skin. James sucked his breath in and began quivering noticeably. Colin leaned over and spoke darkly in James' ear. "Why are you the way you are, love? What secrets do you hold tight to that luscious chest of yours? What made you introduce yerself as 'James, just James'? You need to break. Do you want to right the wrongs of the wasteland? You're too bound to do it as you are my friend."

James struggled harder; apparently _Animal_had a shorter half life than the more well known drugs. Or perhaps he was hitting a nerve? "What's wrong James? Are you facing some unpleasant truths, or are you just anxious to get to the fun?"

"Colin! What are you doing? Stop this... _please_..." His breathing became more labored. With increased panic came increased yammering; it was time for the gag. He grabbed James' crotch to get him to gasp and jammed the gag into his mouth while it was open. Tying it behind his head was easy enough considering his prey's mounting agitation. He'd allowed enough slack to the bonds to easily flip the man over. Now his tight backside was beautifully presented, thirsting for the sting of the paddle. Colin was only too happy to provide.

SMACK!

James made a muffled, strangled sound as he desperately tried to move away from the paddle. Colin had a flash of genius; he saw red and purple bruising on his darling's posterior and sought to follow through with this vision. He alternated harsh slaps on each cheek, using the full might of his strength. James went rigid with pain, but there were no tears yet. He stood to allow for more leverage and let loose with all the vigor he possessed, raining blows upon the supple flesh. James' muffled shrieks began to break; it was only a matter of time until the pain reduced him to beatific simplicity. Finally the tears flowed, and his body shook with sobs. Colin tossed aside his paddle and picked up the feather again. He ran his fingers through his cherub's hair with one hand while trailing the feather across the discolored flesh. Still sobbing, James shifted as best he could to be near his master. Colin proudly detected in his quarry the beginning of ultimate release he'd been searching for. This was an excellent beginning to the evening...

He was wrenched into the present by the force of his orgasm. Those memories of James' early struggles were by far the most potent aphrodisiac. He tried to contain his noises of pleasure; the grieving widower needed sleep more than anything. Eventually, Colin calmed down and moved to clean himself up. What time was it? Most likely well into the wee hours of Thursday, less than two days until his love left him. _Fuck _he needed a drink.


	6. Chapter 6

James had a difficult time opening his eyes; his lashes were glued together with dried tears. He felt very different this morning, lighter and cleaner. It was as if a part of the darkness had been carved out of him. He slowly took a deep breath and relished the first small taste of peace he'd had in what felt like forever.

After taking another cleansing breath, he detected the salty scent of fresh ejaculate. The room was dark but there was enough light to see that Colin was not next to him on the bed. He decided to search for Colin. Tossing the covers aside, he sat up. It was astounding to realize how badly he craved the man. Had someone told him as a youth that he would give his heart to a cocky Irish crime boss, he'd have scoffed in their face. Love really is blind.

He found Colin after colliding with the chair he'd fallen asleep in. Colin's body was positioned in a way that would cause him discomfort the next day. He reached down to shake the man awake; hopefully Colin hadn't passed out drunk or he'd be dragging dead weight to the bed. Thankfully, Colin roused after several strong shakes.

"Mmmh... James. Y'allright darlin? What time izzit? Ehh...fuckin' hate mornings..."

James slid his arms around Colin to help him stand. "It's not healthy for your spine to sleep in a chair. Let's move you to the bed and then you can go back to sleep."

Colin allowed himself to be led to the bed and tucked in. James settled in next to him and enjoyed their companionable silence.

"It's two days until you leave Megaton." Colin's lilting voice broke the silence. James sighed and bowed his head, grateful for the darkness of the room.

"I know."

"While you were asleep, I was thinkin' about when we first became intimate."

James smiled. "That would explain the smell of fresh semen."

"That were a lifetime ago, but I remember those days clearly." Colin sighed and shifted to be closer to James.

In the silence that followed, he swore he could hear Colin's thoughts moving toward the inevitable destination.

"You explained why you have to move to 101... just wish I understood it all."

"What's not to understand? Vault 101 is safer than Megaton. My child needs safety. Don't try to dissuade me from my goal, Colin."

He felt Colin's arm snake around him and squeeze. "Once you're in, we'll most likely never see each other again."

"The overseer allows occasional contact with the outside. Maybe I can get him to see reason, prevent him from cutting ties."

"Bah! Even the great Saint James can't perform that kind of miracle! I've had dealings with that twat through my merchants. He has his head so far up his ass even explosives couldn't remove it."

He felt the faintest stirrings of irritation. "It doesn't matter. As much as I love you, I won't shortchange my son's future. You'll have to make the best of what little time we have left."

"D'ya remember the first time I made you empty yer balls until ya came air?"

He snorted. "How could I forget? I couldn't move for hours afterward."

"That would be one way to make the best of what little time we have left..."

James stared into the darkness as if the words he sought would appear there. "Can we be serious for a moment?" Colin hummed in the affirmative. "Thank you for being there for me when I finally allowed myself to grieve Catherine's loss. Despite how you portray yourself to the populace of Megaton, I know what really beats beneath that chest of yours."

"...that _sexy _chest of mine."

"_Please_, Colin. Thanks to you, there's hope that I will eventually come to terms with Catherine's passing. Maybe you were the only one who could get through to me."

Colin dropped a kiss onto James' arm. "When you were young, you were good at running away. I might not have yer much vaunted brain but I can spot a runner when I see him. But you've changed; not sure if it's age or pain that gave you extra balls but here you are, squaring off against your demons. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you, Colin."

"_Now _can we revisit the 'dozens of orgasms in a short period of time' idea?"

He had to chuckle. "Your sexual stamina is awe inspiring. Why don't we sleep until the sun comes up and go from there?"

Colin nodded and James arranged the covers so that the two of them were comfortable. He felt Colin press against him as close as possible and smiled at how content the gesture made him. After his love succumbed to slumber, James realized that he'd be unable to do the same. He'd slept far too much by this point. The darkness pressed upon him like a second blanket and he was left alone with his thoughts. For the first time in an eternity, he wasn't ruminating over Catherine's death and his endless emptiness.

Instead, he began to calculate how much time he had left with Colin. Technically, they had less than two days. If he believed in God, he'd think he was being punished. Less than a year after losing one soul mate, he was about to lose another. And not just any love, but his first. But at least this one would be alive, and maybe he could draw peace of mind from that. They might not be able to connect physically, but just knowing Colin drew breath not far from his final residence... it would have to carry him through the long, lonely years ahead.

Colin began fidgeting beside him, muttering in his sleep. James ran his fingers through the man's lightly graying hair, and gently stroked his scalp. His bed partner calmed and resumed his quiet repose. What _would _they do in the limited time they had left? James continued stroking his lover's soft hair as he considered their options. There was - of course - Colin's idea of rampant sex. But what really jumped to the front of his mind was introducing Colin to his son. The idea of watching his beloved bond with the most important person in his life made him flush with affection. He daydreamed about the two of them coddling his baby; for a brief period of time they would be a happy family. If only he could get Colin to come to 101 with him! But his lover was far too infamous to gain access to the vault. Of course.

It would be a while before Colin awoke. James considered extracting himself from his lover's embrace to wander the town under the moonlight. But he treasured every moment with the man who helped him find the courage to face the pain of his recent loss. And many years ago, Colin assisted him with becoming more than who he was. His heart clenched, squeezed in a vice of agony at the idea of the upcoming separation. The giant span of time between now and sunrise felt oppressive. He wouldn't wake Colin. He could handle this.

In an attempt to avert another wave of negativity, he took his companion's idea and thought about times past. Of _course _Colin would focus on the carnal moments. Thanks to the Irishman's libido, he had rarely been tense and never was constipated during all those years. But James found his thoughts going to different areas. These were the moments that reassured him that he wasn't insane for having such feelings for Colin.

Like the day Colin caught him crying outside of Megaton.

It was the one year anniversary of his mother's death, about six months after his arrival at Megaton. The day had started out as normal; Doc lectured at Walter about being more careful while working at the water plant while James patched up the wounded hand. Walter had always been so kind to him, probably because he liked to go scouting for scrap metal for the man. He'd sent Walter out of the clinic with a reassuring smile and a promise for more metal. It only took an hour of ennui and lower than average tolerance for Doc's crabbiness to drive him out of the clinic to search for that metal. He stopped by his room to grab a day pack of food, water and medicine and moved purposefully toward the front gates.

There had been a large gathering of merchants outside the gates that day. Moriarity Senior and Colin were standing near the group; Senior was speaking with them about quotas and new merchandise. Colin had looked supremely bored, as he usually did when business matters were concerned. Their eyes met briefly as he set off on his metal finding mission. He smiled at his lover, but was secretly glad he was busy. Colin was very... distracting.

His eyes had also been drawn to one particular merchant in the back. It had taken him a moment to realize what it was about that man that made him pause. When the realization hit him, he'd felt ice running through his veins. The man looked like his father. He could very well be his father, since he hadn't verified that he was dead the day he left home. While he stared slack jawed at the merchant's profile, a small voice in the back of his mind suddenly reminded him what day it was. Ice changed to fire, then fire became overwhelming grief. His mind had blanked out and he bolted, day pack slamming against his back as he desperately put as much distance between himself and the trader as possible. He ran towards Springvale Elementary School; in those days, the building hadn't been as popular with raiders.

He'd climbed the side stairs in record time and slammed the door shut behind him, not caring who he might be alerting his presence to. After pausing a moment to catch his breath, shaky, slow steps carried him into the center of the room. And then he couldn't walk any more. He sank to his knees on the dusty floor. His ragged breathing had disturbed the detritus on the floor; he distantly watched it roll around. It _couldn't _have been him! His father was dead, dead by his son's hands. But there had been scars around the man's temple, hadn't there? Scars that looked as if they'd been caused by repeated blows from a fist.

The tears that began disturbing the dirt confused him. Those couldn't have been coming from him; he felt nothing but exhaustion at running so hard. His body was shaking hard now, most likely from dehydration. If he'd had more energy, he would have gone through his pack for water but he was so tired now. More of those tears fell, enough to start cleaning a spot on the floor. He dragged shaky fingers through the spot, watched them move across the floor. He'd killed the man who had killed his mother. Twelve months without her. He wondered distantly at the state of decomposition her body was in, and if wild dogs had managed to dig her corpse up. He couldn't find that grave again if he tried, he'd been in such a state of disassociation the day he'd planted her.

Once she was gone, the creaking of their house settling had become such a lonely sound. Those creaks came up so vividly in his mind, and his fingers were wet now. Not just fingers, hands and arms as well. Dirty fingers tracked through the tears on his cheeks - weren't his hands still on the ground? He smelled cigarette smoke and saw someone squatting in front of him, blurry through all the moisture. Speech was gone, so he dragged the back of his arm across his eyes to clear his vision.

_Colin_.

He whispered softly. "What did he do to you?"

No. He wasn't going to share his shame. He shook his head, tear drops flying from his eyes. Warm hands rested on the sides of his face. He refused to meet those eyes. _Do what you will, Colin, I won't share this with you._

His eyes began to burn from the constant irritation of his lachrymal system. Colin's face once again was blurry when his eyes darted back to see if he was still being watched. Why wasn't he being hounded for answers? Why wouldn't these damn tears stop?

The warmth on his face left, and he heard the door slam shut behind him. Too tired to investigate, he shifted into a fetal position and stared at the wall. Shifting shadows and drying tears spoke of the passage of time; he was beyond caring. Nobody would miss him. When light began to fail, he heard the door open again. Raiders, no doubt. He couldn't move, didn't care if they killed him. He'd allowed his mother to be slain, had lost control and killed his own father. It disgusted him that he had been capable of that level of fury. Death was what he deserved.

Instead of death, hands pulled him off the floor and strong arms lifted him. Now he was being carried through Springvale. His glassy eyes distantly noted constellations in the stars above as the raider carried him. So slavery was to be his fate; perhaps he could tend to the wounds of the other slaves. Perhaps he'd be passed around the slaver camp as a sex toy. For failing to protect mother, these were also acceptable fates.

Gates opened; were they already at Paradise Falls? He closed his eyes for the first time in hours and felt the swaying as he was being carried to his pen. Sounds of a saloon now; apparently he'd been chosen as a sex slave. Colin once told him that he'd make an excellent prostitute, because he was such a considerate lover and had such elegant features. His mind was foggy. He had a hard time remembering Colin's face. Blankets around him now, mental focus waning...why couldn't he remember?

Emphatic shaking pulled him out of sleep. "Jamie! Wake up!"

He swatted Colin's hands away and burrowed his face into the pillow. He was surprised to note the smells of alcohol and smoke - this was _Colin's_ pillow. He didn't remember going to the saloon after work. For that matter, he couldn't remember yesterday. He did remember dreaming about being captured by raiders. Had he been drinking? He was disturbed from his thoughts by more insistent shaking and Colin's squawking about getting out of bed. The pillow was pulled away from his face and Colin began to beat him with it. "Get up _now _ya lazy bastard! I have somethin' ta show ya!"

When Colin was like this, he had no choice but to do as was commanded. His paramour's ability to be a persistent pain in the ass was a marvel. He shuffled along behind Colin as they left the room and descended the stairs. Really, he would have to stop working so hard. It was disconcerting to forget an entire day due to exhaustion! The sun was directly overhead the town and entirely too bright as they exited the building. He rarely overslept but if he'd worked as hard as he thought, Doc probably wouldn't mind his tardiness. They were leaving the town now; he noticed his steps slowed until he saw there was nobody outside the gate besides Deputy Weld. Feeling more awake now, he jogged to catch up to Colin as the two of them headed away from their town.

They didn't slow down until they came to a culvert a quarter mile from Megaton. As they approached, he heard flies buzzing and smelled something rotten nearby. Ah, Colin had brought him here to brag over a giant molerat he'd killed. His inamorato was inordinately pleased with his shooting abilities. Colin loved to bring up his 'excellent aim' whenever they engaged in sexual relations.

Colin stopped suddenly; his hand shot out to keep James from approaching the culvert's edge. James looked into his eyes and saw a rare seriousness there, especially for showing off a hunting kill. He cocked his head in confusion as Colin cleared his throat to speak.

"Ya scared the bejeezus out of me when ya bolted yesterday. Like the specter of death ya were! Also, y'were a right pain in the ass to follow, fast as you were going!" _What _was Colin talking about? He'd been working in the clinic yesterday! Hadn't he? He tuned back in to Colin's words to try to make sense of the situation. "... and I didn't like what Pa told me so I invited the man to discuss a lucrative, _private _business deal away from town and shot him in the back of his head like he deserved!"

He blinked. "What?"

Colin answered by pointing to the culvert. James slowly approached the kill. A man dressed in trader garb lay face down in the ditch, in a pool of blood and urine. The back of his head was obliterated; chunks of brain matter dotted the area nearby. James felt his mouth go dry as he leaned down and rolled the man over.

No doubt about it, this was definitely his father.

Colin stood just above and behind him, they silently stared down at the remains. Eventually he squinted up into the sky and marveled at what a lovely day it was. "Colin?"

"James?" He sounded worried. Colin never worried.

"How many bullets are in your gun?" What a _glorious _sky, it actually looked blue today.

"It holds six but it's got five since it only took one shot to fell the bastard. Jamie... why do ya ask?" James smiled; being worried on a day like this seemed ridiculous.

"May I borrow your gun? I won't shoot you, I promise." He shifted his eyes to the man above him. Colin looked worried. He never looked worried. "Or myself. You have my word."

Colin silently slid his gun out of its holster and handed it to him. James felt its weight. Beautiful. The world was beautiful. Five bullets, let's make them count.

BANG!

Bullet one went into his father's face. It was only ever good for angry expressions and a mouth that spewed hate.

BANG! Bullet two ruined his father's groin. It had raped women and sired a child that was his personal punching bag.

BANG! Bullet three went into the left hand. The band that had been on that hand was a farce; it served as a noose to keep mother chained to misery.

BANG! Bullet four went into his father's dominant hand, the one that destroyed mother's life and broke his own jaw on numerous occasions.

He paused a moment to savor this last bullet. Eyes down the barrel, finger on the trigger. BANG! Father's chest burst open and chunks of his ruined heart jumped out. It was a surprise to see anything there at all. His hand still pointed the smoking gun at the now unrecognizable chunk of meat. It hovered in the air as he watched the smoke curl up into the pretty blue sky.

When his arm muscles began to fatigue, he slowly turned and handed the gun back to its owner, butt first. Colin, still with that odd look of worry on his face, took the gun and replaced it in its holder. His eyes never left the face of the man below him. It must be a shock to realize everyone is capable of depravity. Even Doctor James, savior of the wounded and dying.

Colin helped him out of the culvert. Once they both were on solid ground, James tried to analyze the feeling that now possessed him. It was primal, feral. This was the new and improved James. Reborn. James wanted to couple with the very worried Irishman in front of him. "What do you have to do for the rest of the day?" he asked. Colin took a hesitant step back. "I have a few errands..."

James stalked towards Colin and jerked the man towards him, claiming his mouth with a deep, hard kiss. Colin made a soft squeak of surprise before catching himself. He tried desperately to keep up with the tempo James had set-

Colin's snoring brought him out of his pensiveness. James considered that day as one of the best of his youth. It had been his first time initiating a kiss, his first time initiating sex, and the first time he got to be inside his lover. He remembered feeling transformed by the confidence Colin had unlocked in him; even Church had commented on his change in demeanor.

He sighed and settled in for hours of listening to Colin's breathing.


	7. Chapter 7

The raucous noise coming from the bar signaled to James that the day was in full swing. Doc was right; the walls in this place really are thin. He could only imagine the earfuls he and Colin had been giving Gob and Nova over the last few days. Hopefully, Cross and the baby had never been a part of the audience. Knowing the paladin as he did, she would have stayed in her room as much as possible. She always did put a high priority on privacy.

He started stroking Colin's hair again, hoping the man would wake up soon. He was ready for action! Ready to see his son and, if necessary, con his lover into doing the same. He still hadn't visited Sheriff Simms and Walter. Perhaps he could get away for an hour and see them. And he'd really been neglecting his exercise; that would have to be remedied. Good health was easy when one treated their body like a temple.

Hair stroking wasn't producing much of an effect, so he leaned over and spoke in Colin's ear. "Rise and shine! The day has begun!" Nothing from Colin other than a faint grunt.

Well, this wouldn't do. James untangled himself from Colin, straightened his clothing and went into the saloon. Nova was behind the bar, he was surprised to note. He approached her and cleared his throat.

"Hello, James! What can I do for you?"

"You wouldn't happen to have a bucket of ice water, would you?"

"Let me guess...trying to wake Colin up? I'll gladly hunt down a bucket for you. Would you watch the bar while I'm gone?"

He was a doctor; surely he could handle bar tending for a few minutes. "Certainly Nova. And thank you."

His clinical eye observed the patrons as he leaned against the bar. None of these people were familiar to him. Everyone sat by themselves, and they all seemed to huddle over their drinks. Did these people have no dreams, no motivating force to drive them? He'd always had a compelling force to form his destiny. Initially, it was learning to help others. For a few years, he yearned to merge with the fire that burned brightly in Colin. And then there was his ultimate dream of bringing pure water to the wasteland. His focus on others had always been the best deterrent to becoming an alcohol abuser.

By the time Nova brought him the water, he was deeply worried about the livers of Colin's patrons. "Here ya go, hon. Don't tell him I was the one who got you this, ok?" James nodded gratefully and went back into the room.

The bucket of ice water hovered above its victim. He ran through the myriad scenarios that would play out once he let the contents drop. Most of these were very bad, but it didn't seem to concern him much. He let the water drop.

"AHHHHHHHHH FUCKIN' HELL! YOU FUCKIN' BASTARD!"

"Good morning!" He smirked at the wet, sputtering and very awake Colin. "Now that you've had your shower, why don't you get dressed? I have plans for us today." He danced out of the way when Colin lunged at him and walked backward towards the door. "Don't be long, honey!" Colin grabbed a book off his bedside table and hurled it at James. He barely dodged it as he snaked out the door and bolted up the stairs to the rooms. On the way to the stairs, he caught a glimpse of Nova shaking with silent laughter at Colin's ranting.

He was about to knock on Cross' door until he thought to sniff his armpits. The stench repulsed him; how long had it been since his last shower? He made a beeline toward his room to pick up a fresh change of clothing and a clean towel. Come hell or high water, it was shower time.

As he headed to the shower room downstairs, he stopped to ask Nova about Colin's whereabouts. She said he had yet to make an appearance outside his room; no doubt he'd fallen back asleep to spite his "Jamie". He'd never been a big fan of that particular nickname, though he supposed it was better than 'Prince James' or 'boy scout'. Hopefully, any other bizarre endearments inside that thick skull stayed there.

Nobody occupied the shower, thankfully. He tossed his dirty clothes at the floor after placing the clean items atop the waiting stool and stepped onto the tiled floor. He turned the water on and adjusted the temperature to a nice warm flow of water. This shower would have to be quick; he was anxious to see his son.

Grabbing the nearby bar of what passed for soap, he began to wash from the bottom up. As he cleaned, he marveled at all the fresh marks on his body. Colin referred to them as 'marks of claim'. Very few areas of his body were bereft of teeth marks or bruises. And... he loved it. He began soaping the well defined muscles of his stomach, then moved to his upper body.

Suddenly, the curtain to the shower area was snapped back to reveal a very perturbed Colin, still wearing wet clothing. His gaze was laser sharp, directed squarely at his face. Oh dear; he was in trouble.

Colin closed the curtain behind him and slowly stalked forward. An abrupt attack of nerves caused James to drop the sliver of soap to the floor as he retreated as far as possible. Finally his back met the wall of the room; here he waited for Colin's retribution.

When only a quarter of an inch of space separated them, Colin slammed his hands on either side of James' face. He slowly leaned over to bring his mouth only millimeters away from James' own; for a moment, his senses were overwhelmed by the raw power in front of him.

"James." His voice had a dark, cold edge to it. "My Jamie. You realize... I have to punish you for what you did." Ah yes, _this_ old game. "D'ya have anything to say for yourself?" Past experience reminded him that talking would only cause trouble; he defiantly held Colin's gaze and shook his head. "Good boy. Turn around."

He obeyed the command. As soon as he finished, Colin's hand pushed between his shoulder blades, pressing the upper half of his body against the wall. He heard Colin rummaging around in his pockets for something, then felt a wet piece of cloth wound around his wrists. He tested the binding and found it very secure; Colin always was the best at tying inescapable knots.

Colin moved away to shut the water off. Loud scraping noises echoed off the walls as he dragged the stool into the shower. Once the scraping stopped, he felt hands on his wrists. He was pulled away from the wall and spun so he faced Colin, now seated on the stool. Colin's hands seized his upper arms and in one strong pull, hauled him over his lap. Oh no, not here...

The wet slap that sounded like a gunshot in the tiny room pulled a startled yelp out of him. "It pains me to have to do this to ya darlin,' but I can't let ya get away with misbehaving!"

Another sharp blow stung him; James pressed his lips together and tried to swallow the humiliating whimper. "Please Colin! Can't this wait until later? Someone might walk in!" He felt the cheeks of his ass roughly kneaded by callused hands as Colin barked a laugh. "Maybe I want someone to see. What if I like the idea of showing off all of my lover? Come to think of it, that's a lovely idea. Maybe I'll walk you out into the center of the saloon like this."

The faint stirrings of panic coiled in his mind. He couldn't be serious! Then he checked himself; this was Colin, of course he was serious. He had to do something fast to distract the man. So he did the only thing he could, and began to earnestly try to break out of his bonds. This prompted a flurry of stinging, squelching slaps that brought tears to his eyes. Damn it, he would not cry!

Colin took a break to knead his sore ass while James panted and realized that he was becoming aroused by this scenario. "Colin?"

The crack of another hard blow rang out. "Did I say you could speak?" James hissed and waited for the ache to subside. "So, what is it yer wantin' now? Best not beg me to stop, I've a lot of anger to work off!"

"I'm... I'm ready to make amends for what I've done. Let me... take care of you, Colin."

"Hmm. Not sure I'm understanding you, Jamie."

James flushed. Why was this so difficult? "Let me... I want to..." He looked over his shoulder at Colin's bemused expression. The man knew what he wanted. Why did he have to say it? He sucked in what he hoped was a steadying breath and mumbled "Oral sex."

"I see. You want to worship at the Church of Colin's Crotch, do ya? Well, far be it from me to keep you from your dreams, angel."

He felt Colin's switchblade ripping apart the cloth that bound his wrists. Once he was free, he slowly slid off his lap and assumed the position between Colin's legs. He waited patiently as Colin freed his cock from his pants. James marveled at the length and girth of the phallus that stood proudly before him. "Tell me what you're thinking, Saint James," he whispered darkly, hooded eyes devouring the naked, kneeling man before him.

James looked seductively up at his lover. "I want to taste you, and drink your pleasure." Colin's eyebrow cocked at that. He gestured grandiosely at his cock and settled back to watch the show.

He guided Colin's erection between his lips and slowly slid down as far as he could go. It was amusing to note that deep throating was like riding a bicycle - a skill that, once learned, is never forgotten. Once his lips brushed against pubic hair, he noted the taste of tobacco, musk, and salt. He hummed his appreciation as he sucked up and down his lover's glorious pole. With his free hand, he began stroking Colin's scrotum, then dipped his fingers lower to play with his perineum. In between bouts of greedy sucking, he reverently lapped at Colin's frenulum. The man was rigid with pleasure now, his breathing harsh and eyes screwed shut. He felt a surge of power; Colin wouldn't last long under these circumstances. He threw himself into his task then, eagerly licking and gobbling the Irishman's shaft.

Mere moments later, Colin came hard in his mouth. He drank it down, then earnestly licked up anything he missed. Colin's hand gently stroked the back of his head, drawing his attention upwards. The expression on his lover's face was beatific. Shaky hands touched the sides of his face as Colin struggled to find his voice.

"All is forgiven, Jamie boy." He slowly stood and situated himself, then redid the lacing of his pants. He dragged shaking fingers through his damp, graying hair as he considered the man kneeling before him. He took a step back, pivoted, then left the shower. James, still on his knees, watched Colin leave the room. He really should clean himself again, but couldn't bring himself to do so. Most of his energy had left with Colin. The spike of excitement from the surprise visit had drained it from him. He stood and went to where his clean clothes lay in a disheveled heap on the floor. Sighing, he dusted the clothing off, and put it on. He wasn't entirely dry and he didn't care. It felt as if he were floating through the main room of the saloon and up the stairs to where his baby was. Finally, he would have some time with the little one.

Not long after he knocked on Cross' room, the door opened. She held the baby in her arms; the two of them were such a welcome sight.

"Hello, my friend! How goes the babysitting?"

She beamed at him. "James! Come on in, I want to hear all about your adventures. Junior and I have been having the best time!" He followed them into the room, and the door shut behind them.

An hour or so later, there was a knock at the door to Cross' room. The paladin, suspicious by nature, moved her hand to the ever present pistol at her hip. James stayed her hand and moved to the door. It could only be one person.

Colin.

He looked at Cross over his shoulder. "It's my friend, Colin Moriarity. Would it be alright if he came in?"

Cross looked confused, but nodded acceptance of the idea. James pushed the door open and stepped back to let Colin enter. Colin's eyes trailed over Junior and Cross while the door closed behind him. Quietly, the three adults appraised each other. The silence was broken as junior squealed his joy at the newcomer. Cross leaned down to coo at the baby, while James stared adoringly at his little one. And Colin looked on thoughtfully, watching his love's reactions to the scene.

As the hours unfolded, the three of them made polite conversation while passing the baby between them. Every time Colin cradled Junior close to his chest, James felt his heart contract with a confusing emotion. The sight of Colin holding his son and gazing down at him with bright eyes, made him melt. He wished it had been his Catherine holding Junior, but reality being what it was, he was deliriously happy with what he got.

While Cross and Colin were quietly conversing amongst themselves, James lounged on the bed. Watching his three favorite people interact was comforting. Technically, two - Junior was asleep in Colin's arms. He luxuriated in the sight that he'd dreamed of. Colin held the slumbering baby against his chest as if he were the finest bottle of liquor to exist in the Wasteland.

Eventually, the excitement of the day got to him; he slipped into slumber on Cross' bed while Cross and Colin quietly chatted into the small hours of the morning.

He woke to the happy squealing of a baby and the mingled laughter of adults. His sleep fogged brain struggled to comprehend what he was hearing. _Catherine_? James cracked his eyes open to witness Colin holding his baby high in the air, grinning widely at the little one. And his son was grinning back, while Cross looking on approvingly. He stretched, yawned, and sat up.

"Sorry about falling asleep on you. Have you been awake all night, Colin?"

"I'm not so old that I can't still power through an all-nighter. Paladin Cross here is a very interesting article! It's too bad I've only just now gotten to know her."

Colin handed Junior back to Cross and sat next to James on the bed. "I mean, here I was wonderin' why my Jamie's bodyguard was never seen ordering a meal. Turns out she's a cyborg! Why didn't ya tell me? If only all my staff were cyborgs! No sleep or food necessary? Brilliant!"

"Indeed. Cross, would you mind if Colin and I took our leave? We've some last minute things to discuss before our departure tomorrow."

"I have no problems being left alone with this little gentleman, James!" Cross laughed and waved goodbye with her free hand as she went over to Junior's formula supplies. "Thanks, dear!" he returned as he left her room. Colin followed him into the adjacent room. "Last minute things to discuss? Is this yer way of askin' for sex?" James shut the door and gestured for Colin to take a seat on the bed. He'd been wanting to have this talk ever since their first time being intimate.

"No sex. Don't get me wrong, I love being affectionate with you. But I actually just want to talk." He examined the cleanliness of his nails as he formulated what he wanted to say. Then he focused on Colin's beautiful green eyes.

"Colin - I'm so sorry. You had to have known the two of us had no future before you first approached me in the shower. My heart will always be yours, but Vault 101 holds me and my son's destiny. And I know what I'm doing is right for my family. Still... I'm not sure that I can ever forgive myself for allowing things between us to unfold the way that they have. I never meant to lead you on!" He nervously cleared his throat. "No matter what the Wastelands think of you... I know the truth. You are my love and my light. You are the force that made me strong. And I want nothing more than to be lost in you. But I can't have that now, or ever. My life lies in a bassinet in the room next to this one."

His eyes dropped to where their hands were now joined. He felt Colin's hands squeeze his own, and took a calming breath.

Despite the breath, his voice was broken when he spoke next. "God, Colin... Tomorrow... I'm leaving you..."


	8. Chapter 8

Really, he should have been packing. But there wasn't that much to pack. And he should have gone to bed early and gotten a good night's sleep for the next day. Sleep wasn't going to visit him tonight, though. If he was honest with himself, it probably wouldn't be a constant companion of his for a few days. There was just so _much _to process. Somehow Colin had broken through his barriers and made him realize it was OK to grieve Catherine's death. Colin had also shattered the illusion he'd had that he stopped having feelings for his first lover. Then there was the matter of moving underground, never able to see the sky again... Or Colin...

He'd been pacing the floor of his tiny room for a while now. When it occurred to Colin that James hadn't eaten in a very long time, he'd rushed off, mumbling something about his egghead being a forgetful flake. Colin was out of earshot before he could ask the man's destination. Being alone right now was such a bad idea. His nerves were raw from all the thinking and feeling; were tomorrow not such a big day, he'd drink himself into oblivion. His hands raked through his hair for the thousandth time and he fervently wished he could just calm the _fuck _down. Packing is good. Colin's sudden absence would be an excellent time to pack.

Colin reentered the room to see James staring blankly at a pile of clothing stacked on a nearby table. He set the large basket he was carrying down on the bed and pondered the room's seemingly catatonic occupant.

"Jamie?"

"Hmm?"

"You need to eat something, darlin'. Why don't you come over here and see what I've got in my magic basket?"

He heard Colin rummaging through the basket, pulling things out and then dropping them on the bed. James clasped his hands in front of him and recalculated how he was going to fit all the clothing in front of him into one bag. For the tenth time since Colin had gone in search of food. He had to make sure packing was very efficient. He couldn't present himself to the overseer with a thousand bags! That would be bad.

"Jaaaaamie?" Colin chirped at him in a sing-song voice.

"Hmm?"

"You can eat voluntarily, or I can strap ya to a chair and force ya to eat. Your choice!"

He finally tore his eyes away from the laundry and looked over at the bed. Colin had basically transferred the contents of the saloon's refrigerator into his basket. There were sausages, hunks of cheese, tins of cram, a few unrecognizable lumps and several bottles of beer. "What, no whiskey?" Colin laughed at that. "You've a big day tomorrow; no heavy liquor for my boy scout!"

It was pointless to inform Colin that the liver didn't distinguish between heavy liquor and beer. Alcohol was alcohol as far as that marvelous organ was concerned. He moved closer to Colin and watched as his hands flew amongst the various foods spread out before him to organize a plate for James. Once the plate was done, Colin leered at him. That made him nervous; Colin only leered whenever he had something planned.

"Sit, please." Colin gestured to the small space on the mattress that wasn't covered in food. He watched Colin's eyes while settling on the bed. Eyes were supposed to be windows to the soul, but Colin was a crafty rascal. James was never sure if he could get an accurate reading from what he saw dancing behind those greenish irises.

Now his eyes moved to the mound of food Colin expected him to eat. He was fairly certain he wouldn't be able to get any of it down. And that wasn't just because some of it frightened him; nerves and emotional turmoil had destroyed his appetite. "You can't expect me to eat all that. What _are _those dark lumps? Darling, I appreciate your kind gesture but -"

Colin chose that moment to strike, shoving a large chunk of cheese - at least, he hoped it was cheese - into his mouth. He _mmphed _a chastisement at Colin and worked at getting the food down. Really, he was too old to be fed. He remembered Catherine joking with him a few years back about hiring cute young girls to feed him grapes and fan him for his thirtieth birthday.

Unfortunately, Colin interpreted the smile that crossed James' face at the memory as encouragement to continue. Nimble fingers plucked one of those disturbing blobs off the plate and advanced toward his mouth. The substance was far too reminiscent of brahmin feces; he backed away nervously. "No, I absolutely refuse to eat - _MMPH_!" Really, _why _was he in love with this man? He tentatively licked at the lump. Was that flavor... chocolate? How had Colin managed to...?

"I have my ways, Doctor. In case yer wonderin', it's a bit misshapen due to being transported a ways. The heat wasn't kind to it." Colin watched him swallow the rare delicacy with that disturbing leer. Why did he feel he was being herded toward a cliff? Something wasn't right here.

"And neither was I. You just ate about three times a regular dose of _Animal_."

Oh... _HELL_. For as smart as he was supposed to be, his brain apparently went numb around the devious bastard he was involved with. Maybe he could induce vomiting? Stomach acid might destroy the enamel of his teeth, which was very bad. Ok, stay calm. What chemicals were in _Animal_? He'd researched the chemical composition of the drug not too long after his flight from Colin, but he hadn't been able to determine why. Now he had a disturbing thought as to why that had happened. Maybe, in some part of his mind, he knew he'd return to Colin? Maybe he'd prepared himself for this very eventuality? Preposterous. He felt his heart rate beginning to increase, his temperature begin to rise. _Damn,_ not enough time to counteract the chemical concoction flowing through his veins. Colin was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed smugly against his chest, watching him with a predatory gaze. He tried desperately to offset the encroaching symptoms, breathed slower in a vain attempt to slow his heartbeat, tried to center himself... FUCK, he was aroused.

"Colin _Patrick _Moriarity! Did we not have a discussion years ago wherein you swore you would NOT drug me _ever again_?" It was getting harder and harder to maintain focus, every nerve in his body was crying out for the touch of the man in front of him. He was beginning to wonder if it was possible for a penis to become so engorged with blood that it would cause the skin to rupture. "Well now, I don't precisely recall agreeing to that statement. I just apologized for that one tiny slip up. Then I distracted you by suckin' yer face for a half hour." James tried to come up with a suitable rejoinder but the heat buzzing under his skin was bewildering.

He removed his shirt and flung it aside to try to reduce his body temperature, then lounged back against the mattress. _Animal_'s dangerous properties came from the fact that it primarily affected the frontal lobe, responsible for higher mental functions such as determining right from wrong, recognizing future consequences from current actions, and suppressing unacceptable social responses. But in this room, a bizarre microcosm of a twisted society existed. A society of two people, one of whom he was beginning to think was a sociopath. The list of acceptable social responses was considerably longer here. And... _goodness, _it was entirely too warm in this room! He fumbled with the fastenings on his pants, and hastily tore them off. He was clad in nothing but his underwear now, hooded eyes lazily scanning the room for water. There was nothing to drink but beer that he could see. Cold beer; it would have to do. Before he could lean towards the stack of beer bottles, Colin swooped in and uncapped a bottle, handing it to him. Their fingers touched as he moved to take the bottle, that brief brush of skin flaring the heat in his groin.

To distract himself from his inevitable meltdown in a sexual flame, he tipped the bottle to his lips. Sober James would have nursed the beer for hours; _Animal_-hazedJames urged him to gulp the brew down as if his life depended on it. Colin watched in awe as he emptied the bottle in less than a minute. A hiss, a clink - now a second bottle of beer was in his hand. It disappeared as smoothly as the first.

He flopped back on the bed, languishing in the haze the combination of _Animal _and alcohol brought him. Colin opened up a beer for himself, and pushed a third beer into James' hand. He slowly grasped the bottle, analyzing the temperature and weight. It was slightly less cold than the other beers; it was only logical that they should finish the beers in a hurry to avoid a pile of warm, flat beers. Hoping Colin would follow his lead, he guzzled down the third bottle. Then he held a fourth - how many beers had his sociopath brought to their room? Well. It was a shame to waste beer when there were starving children in the world, so he suckled at the aperture of his bottle as the tan liquid cascaded into his willing mouth. He noticed a distinct dampening of neurological input from his extremities now. Determining the exact origin of this numbness would take some work. His brow furrowed as he attempted to determine what was going on.

Colin pushed away from the wall as he watched his Jamie succumb to the influence of _Animal_. This was a beautiful dance; a strict, logical mind being forced to accept its dark side. The egghead seductively removed his clothing, no doubt to try to cool down. He wasn't surprised to see the half naked boy scout lean towards the mound of cool beers; best help his love to cool down. He tried to conceal his shock as the bottle of beer he'd pressed in the doctor's hand disappeared lightning quick. The second beer vanished just as fast. A third, and fourth vanished. Colin opened up his second beer as he watched James' cheeks flush and muscles release their rigidness. The man sprawled out seductively on the mattress now, breath slowly heaving, fingers twitching, eyelids at half mast. _Animal _would counter the effects of excess alcohol consumption, so he eased a fifth bottle in the graceful fingers of his mate. James hummed his thanks, and weakly raised his torso up to suck the beverage down.

He had to dodge the empty bottle as James flung it aside. James' sluggish fingers now grasped at the waistband of his undergarments; Colin watched entranced as his amour exposed his beautiful cock to view. The last of his garments flung aside, James sighed his relief at finally being cool. And Colin was rigid with want, every single cell screaming for sexual release. His mind desperately wanted to make him devour the treat that lay sprawled out on the mattress. But James was so... regal. Stretching, moaning, moist. Colin stayed nearby, eyes drinking up every quiver, every sigh. He felt his dominant hand slowly stroke his erection as he contemplated every movement of his quarry. This man would be lost to him forever in a few hours. He remembered Pa railing against how cruel fate could be. It took his mother from him; it took his Jamie from him. With every passing second, his youth was drained from him, rendering him more and more useless.

FUCK that. If this were their last time laying together, it would damn well be a memorable one! Colin scrapped his plans to observe and tore off his own clothing frantically. He'd drown out his pain with the sounds of their passion. It felt as if his reason for living lay tucked away deep in the recesses of that sexy asshole. And also what lay in the man's head, but he'd be damned if he would try to fuck Jamie's ears. He dove for the bottle of lubrication in the pocket of his discarded pants and dumped a healthy amount of the gel onto his member. James was whimpering now, his swollen member leaking - almost as if it was begging for assistance. Colin thought back to the last time the two of them had been as one. It had been soon enough that maybe Jamie wouldn't require preparation. Which was good; he was so desperate for his love's body that he doubted he could be considerate anyhow. He lined the head of his cock up to the flower begging to be pierced and drizzled some more lubrication where they joined, just in case. James arched his godlike body beneath him and keened for attention. Oh yes, his doll would get the attention he deserves.

It was a good thing that none of the rooms in this dump had windows. He didn't want to see the coming of the light, didn't want to think exactly how close it was to sunrise. As he slowly but steadily pushed into James' willing heat, he tried desperately to memorize every single second of this moment. Sadness and lust tore at the walls he hid behind; he finally had to realize that once their separation was permanent, he would never again be whole. It wouldn't be possible for him to feel towards another what he felt for James. Many long, empty years stood between him and death. Sure, he could kill himself, but he didn't feel like spending eternity with Pa in hell. Despite all the wrong he'd done to others over the years, a part of him felt that his Jamie's love had redeemed him. Maybe he'd get to see Ma again, and eventually frolic with Jamie in the clouds with harps and halos and other such bullshit.

He leaned in and savaged James' plump lips, nipping and suckling at them. With the exception of anal sex, blow jobs and analingus, kissing James was his favorite thing to do. As teenagers, they'd spent many hours just kissing. Those were the days when it felt as if they would be together forever. Though he wouldn't have admitted that to James then; he wasn't mature enough emotionally. Below him, James' pink tinged cheeks flushed a darker red. He wondered how many orgasms he'd be able to get from him off a triple dose of _Animal_. Probably enough to make him useless the next day. Maybe he should have taken that into consideration when lacing the chocolate. It was a toss up between making him suffer through lack of stimulation, and possibly ruining his meeting with the Overseer. Hmm...

Decision made, he angled Jamie's hips upward to thrust more deeply. He slammed into his pleasure button, smirking when James flung his hands back to cling to the headboard with a white knuckled grip. They made relatively little noise together; the protests of the bed drowned out their sounds. James was lost to sense obliterating passion; occasionally he would stop breathing and just quiver urgently. Colin made him breathe again by lightly dragging a finger up the underside of James' cock; the breath he held would push out of him in one strong whoosh. Holy hell, he was grateful for those two beers! Otherwise, he'd be unable to last through this. James was too tight around him, too perfect. His beautiful dirty blonde hair stuck out wildly from his face, those kiss swollen lips were the color of strawberries. He'd give anything for a camera right now! Although he had a notion that James would leave the vault just to kill him for photographing him at such a vulnerable moment.

His thoughts were beginning to become cloudy. He found himself wishing that men could get pregnant; he'd give anything to fill his lover with Irish juice, maybe get a missive from 101 several months later that James was swelling with their child. A voice from the walled off portion of his mind supplied him with the image of a wee baby girl, with James' grayish blue eyes and dark blonde hair and his own crafty smile. To derail those images, he allowed himself to come to completion. His left hand smacked onto the mattress to support his weight, and his right hand hovered around James' shaft, waiting for just the right moment. He closed his eyes, focused on James' smooth channel and the seductive whimpers that escaped him with every thrust. That did it; blinding white energy gripped his brain. He closed his hand tight around James; one hard tug was all it took for the man to come undone. Piercing shrieks ripped from James' throat; he dimly hoped the Paladin didn't come to investigate the noise next door.

With the little energy he had left, he marveled at the amount of semen that was coming out of his lover. He collapsed onto James, feeling the stickiness between them. While Colin was ready to go to sleep, the same could not be said for Jamie, whose cock was still rock hard. He used his waning energy to find his pants. Rummaging around, he found the _Jet _inhaler he'd stashed in one of the pockets and took a strong shot. Yeah, that was just what he needed. He was ready for round two.

After three hours, James' phallus finally remained flaccid and his mind forced him to sleep. Colin, exhausted, observed his handiwork with pride. He'd had to use all the tools in his arsenal, and several extra huffs of _Jet_. It took three blow jobs, two hand jobs, and riding James' dick twice before he'd finally been declared the victor over the _Animal _in boy scout's system. James would have to use sign language tomorrow in his meeting with the Overseer; his voice had cracked and gone out completely about an hour ago. He smirked and snuggled up against James to sleep away their last little bit of time together. His dreams were filled with images of a pigtailed girl with kind eyes, playing doctor with her dolls.

An authoritative pounding ripped Colin out of slumber. During the night, James had tangled his limbs with his bed mate's. Colin was pondering how best to extract himself from this human puzzle when the door opened.

Paladin Cross, in full battle gear, baby strapped to her chest, halted in the doorway. It was really too bad Colin had been forgotten to cover James and himself with a blanket. Cross' eyes took in the scattered empty beer bottles, rotting food, empty _Jet _inhaler, and discarded clothing strewn across every available surface. Finally, she beheld the two naked, groggy, entangled men on the semen stained mattress. Junior gurgled merrily against her armor as she surveyed the damage. And she smirked. Hopefully he could convince this glorious woman to stay in touch with him once her precious cargo was safely stored underground.

"Good morning, Colin. Looks like you and James had a good time!"

Too early... fuckin' morning people. "Mmh, darlin'... gonna need some help to get him up and ready." Were any of those bottles of beer left? He planned on spending the next several weeks wasted out of his mind. Best to get an early start on it.

Cross stepped into the room and watched with detached amusement as drunken, exhausted Colin pulled away from the comatose doctor. He didn't much care if she saw him in all his glory as he hunted for his clothing and struggled into it. Now the two of them pondered their James while the baby chortled merrily against Cross' chest. She turned to him then and smiled. "Leave this to me. I've been in military service all my life, which means I can bring order to just about any situation. Why don't you go clean up and meet us outside?"

He just nodded and ghosted away. _Jet_, alcohol and sex were a triple threat. All he could do was head to the showers and hit himself with a brief, cleansing spray before re-adorning his soiled garments and aiming for the exit. Gob was on duty this morning; he pretended not to notice his employer's disheveled appearance as Colin trudged towards his fate. Cross and her crew weren't here yet, so he fished in the pocket of his pants for a packet of cigarettes and fished one out. His lighter was reluctant to spark up; he finally coaxed a light out of it and sucked in his first soothing breath of smoke. He tilted his head up to the sky, and closed his eyes to really hear the desolate whistling of the winds across the landscape of the wastelands. Every day he came out here to the same sights and sounds... but this time, the sounds were so abysmally lonely. His heart shriveled as he heard the saloon door open behind him; the sounds of multiple bags being carried out drifted to his ears. The door swung shut, the light from within the saloon was distinguished. Now he sensed someone standing at both his left and right sides. The larger lump to his right must be the Paladin. He took deep breaths, tried to calm the fear that clawed its way up from deep within. How could he live through this, being separated from his soul? Were he a coward, he'd take a laser pistol to his temple right now. But a Moriarity doesn't back down from adversity.

Cross cleared her throat and broke the silence. "I'm going to go inside to get a bottle of water for the road. Shouldn't take me more than ten minutes. Make the most of it, gentlemen." A sliver of light hit them as the door opened, then slammed shut. The two of them stood, huddling against the rusty railing in front of the saloon. Colin felt a mild pang of guilt about the misery James must be feeling at that moment, but he knew his actions had been necessary. James was far too high strung to approach such a major life change without assistance. What he had done - drugging his love despite a promise he had made - it had been _necessary_. He knew his Jamie better than he knew himself. James would have locked up and been so tense the next day, his radiant beauty wouldn't have come across to the asshound he sought to live with. Colin struggled to keep back the tears, always cognizant of the silent shape to his left. Though he squeezed his eyelids shut, tears dripped out from beneath them.

James' right hand slipped over and grasped Colin's left. James' thumb stroked over the back of Colin's hand as they watched the beginnings of the sunrise. Suddenly, Colin gripped James and spun him to face him. An electric charge hung between them. Colin dove in and expressed every feeling he'd ever had for the man through a searing kiss. They clung to each other, desperation fusing them together as the sky subtly brightened to announce the new day. They continued to meld as the door to the saloon reopened to admit the Paladin. She cleared her throat as the door shut behind her; the two men stepped guiltily apart.

"It's time to head for the Vault, James."

Colin saw James nod and move to follow her as she headed down the ramp, away from the Saloon. Colin trailed after them, mindlessly. The four of them slowly made their way to the gates of Megaton. Even at this ungodly hour, the gates whirred and gracefully lifted to allow passage to the Wastelands.

The group stepped outside and the gates shut behind them. Cross turned towards Colin, and took a deep breath. "Thank you, Mister Moriarity. We're grateful for your assistance over these last few days."

He nodded at her, mumbled what he hoped was a suitable reply. She set off in the direction of the vault. He turned towards the last person in the party. The two nebulous shadows faced each other, the silence pregnant with meaning. What would he say to his better half?

"Colin." The strained whisper came from the shape he faced. "Don't forget... I will always love you..."

Pain, the likes of which he never hoped to experience again. "I love you too, my Jamie... so much…"

The shape shifted away from him and moved to follow Paladin Cross. He strained to watch them until their forms blended in with the rubble of the Wasteland. He went numb when he realized he couldn't see them any more. It was time for sleep, a lot of sleep. He turned and mindlessly trudged toward the gates to Megaton.

_Goodbye, Jamie._


End file.
